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And now, without further ado… Katie Brown, Southern Weddings’ own Relationship Expert!  Be sure to check out our introductory post here, her own blog here and, oh yeah, her 2010 Bloggies Best Weblog of the Year nomination here!  (She’s kind of a big deal.)

In the summer of 2005, after six years of dating, I married my high school sweetheart.   A month after that, we crammed our separate lives into one giant U-Haul and moved away from our families and the homes we had always known in Florida to start a new adventure in Connecticut, where Chris would be starting graduate school in the fall.  We were alone and on our own and loving every minute of it. 

And then I woke up a week later and thought, “What the hell have I done?”

When Chris and I got engaged, I thought a really fun activity for us to share would be the registry.  I mean, is there anything better than shopping for your new life with your new fiancé?  I think not.  Or rather, I thought not.  Since Chris and I were sophomores in high school, I had dreamed of our life together.  And that life included gingham placemats with accenting plaid and striped seat cushions in our country-style eat-in kitchen.  That life included a living room couch with a country rose floral pattern (complimenting, of course, the seat cushions and placemats in the kitchen…). 

That life did not include Homer Simpson beer mugs and contemporary chrome toaster ovens.  That life did not include steel gray bedspreads and a collection of shot glasses from places like The No Name Bar in the Florida Keys or the World’s Biggest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kansas. 

So imagine my surprise when we walked into Macy’s to register, and Chris immediately points and shoots our fun little scanner gun at a set of Star Wars cookie jars.  I was so stunned that I couldn’t even respond.  I just stood there, mouth gaping open, as my soon-to-be husband singlehandedly took my country rose and gingham dreams and pureed them to a chunky pulp in his industrial Black & Decker blender.  

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I wanted to scream.  I wanted to punch him in the face.  I wanted to yell out in agony, “What are you DOING?! We can’t have black and chrome appliances in a yellow and pink kitchen!  WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!”  But all I could do was stand speechless in horror next to the eighty-year-old Macy’s Bridal Consultant who kept patting me on the shoulder and giving me sympathetic smiles.  This was our first big act as an engaged couple, and I didn’t want to start nagging and bossing him around already.  (I was told that came later.)  I wanted Chris to be involved.  I wanted our home to be comfortable for him, too.  It’s just…well…why couldn’t he be comfortable on a soft-blue paisley duvet cover and Egyptian cotton sheets? 

After about half an hour of thin-lipped arguments and teeth-clinched phrases like, “Not in front of the Macy’s consultant, Sweetie…” we ended up erasing everything from our registry and leaving the store with nothing accomplished.  We went back a couple weeks (and many, many pro and con conversations about toile) later and we registered.  Together.  Like adults.  And I only threatened to leave him twice and to kill him once.  I consider that to be an extreme accomplishment given the circumstances. 

When we were married almost a year later, I remember thinking that at least the worst was behind us.  At least we would never have to register again.  And then four years later, I got pregnant and we almost got a divorce in the Babies R Us aisle as we worked on our baby registry.

The fun never ends, kids. 

Five years of marriage, three moves, two graduate degrees, more dinner parties than I can count, one baby, one mortgage, and two dogs later, I can confidently tell you that marriage – like wedding registries – is a game of compromise.  Some of those compromises are easy and some of them are hard.  Some are made with love in your heart and some are made in anger.  But it always comes down to a compromise. 

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My name is Katie Brown.  I’m a young, married new mom.  I don’t know a lot of things for certain about relationships, but I do know this:  My marriage – for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad – is the foundation for everything in my life.  And I know that a good, healthy foundation doesn’t just happen.  It takes work every single day.  Some days its fun.  Some days it’s really tough.  Some days I want to kill him.  And some days I want to rip his clothes off.  But every single day, I want to work to make my marriage better and stronger. 

I’m so happy to be joining the Southern Weddings family as a relationship expert, but I hope that this little column is more than just advice.  I hope it’s a place where we can learn about our relationships and where we can grow together.  Because whether you’re about to be married, are recently married, or have been married for five or fifty years, if you’re not growing then you’re not working hard enough. 

So, in this inaugural introduction, I’d like to close by imparting my infinite marital wisdom on you all.  Go get a pen.  You’ll want to write this down. 

(Ahem.)

Star Wars cookie jars sometimes “break” in the dishwasher. 

There.  I have spoken. 

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We’ll be back with more from Katie next month.  Until then, be sure to keep up with her, her hubby and their adorable Baby Bean on Confessions of a Young Married Couple!