We all know bridal parties are famously large in the South, and with the effort to squeeze out as many honorary positions as possible often comes dual roles: choosing both a maid AND matron of honor to stand by your side on the big day. Karen wrote us with a question about this potentially sticky situation:

Hello ladies!

One of my best friends is getting married this summer. She has asked her cousin to be matron of honor and has asked me to be maid of honor, and let me know that I would be very busy helping with things for the wedding because of my title. However, so far she has not spoken to me about any of the usual things a maid of honor would handle, and instead has spoken to her cousin. For example, she mentioned a wedding shower, and then said that she needed to talk to her cousin about more details. That was the first I had heard about the shower, which is fine, but I just don’t want both her cousin and I planning the same things. Can a maid and matron of honor share duties, or not? Another concern is that I’m in school, and so don’t have a lot of money to pay for events or activities, but still want to help in any way I can. All advice will be greatly appreciated!!

Karen, you are in good company! I think many maids and matrons of honor are confused about their duties even when they’re the only one in the role. And the tricky thing is, while there are general guidelines, every bride is a bit different in terms of what she expects or would like her honor attendants to do, which is a recipe for hurt feelings on both sides. So that’s my first piece of advice: Sit your friend down (virtually, if necessary!) and let her know that you’re honored to have been asked and look forward to celebrating this special time with her. Let her know that you’re more than happy to assist in any way you can, but that to do so well you would love for her to elaborate on what, exactly, she expects from you, as well as what her matron of honor will be taking care of. Hopefully that will start moving everyone toward being on the same page! If she’s comfortable putting you in touch with her cousin, that could be a great next step toward you two working together instead of around each other.

I also completely understand not being as financially able; the best thing to do is to be up front with your friend if she asks or asks something of you that you’re not capable of. And remember, joyful, thoughtful emotional support (and sometimes your donated time and labor!) is more priceless to a bride than expensive trips and gifts.

Jessica Lorren

In the meantime, for all those facing a maid or matron of honor position without prior experience, here’s our general guideline to typical duties:

– Be willing to help in whatever way possible with wedding planning. If you live nearby, this could mean helping to address invitations or assemble programs. If you don’t, you might offer to set up vendor appointments or research florists.
– Lend an ear during the engagement. Even the most cheerful bride will likely need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on at some point before her wedding. Weddings can be stressful — do what you can to alleviate that stress.
– Help the bride select bridesmaids’ attire. Listen to and, if necessary, help squash, unreasonable grumblings from bridesmaids about said attire.
– Make sure a shower and/or bachelorette are addressed. Make sure you ask the bride her wishes for these events, and then execute to the best of your ability with ample assistance from bridesmaids.
– Organize bridesmaids’ gifts to the bride (if you’re giving one) and organize the bridesmaids’ luncheon (if you’re holding one). Brides sometimes like to host the luncheon themselves as a thank you to their ‘maids, so check with her before making plans.
– Go into the wedding day over-prepared. More than any of the other ‘maids, it’s your responsibility to make sure you are aware of the timeline for the day, the order everyone will be walking down the aisle, where you’re taking portraits, etc. This way, the bride won’t be the only one fielding questions on her wedding morning, which can be very stressful.
– Take control of the bride’s cell phone on the wedding morning. Of course, you’ll want to consult with the bride before you attempt to commandeer her phone, but setting up a sort of electronic forcefield around her while she’s getting ready means that only the truly important calls will get through.
– Hold the groom’s wedding ring and the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony. Reposition her train if necessary.
– Witness the signing of the marriage certificate.
– Run interference. Between the bride and bridesmaids, between the bride and her mother-in-law, maybe even between her and the mother of the bride. Learn to be gracious, but firm. The skills of a diplomat are essential to successfully fulfilling this role.
– Anticipate the bride’s needs. Make sure she eats something so her blood sugar doesn’t bottom out. If she has mentioned little things (having a bottle of champagne in the dressing area, wanting a through-the-door convo with her groom before the wedding, wanting a moment alone with her new husband just following the ceremony) execute her wishes to the best of your ability.
– Bustle her gown post-ceremony. If you live nearby, it could be helpful to attend the final fitting so you can learn the ropes — er, buttons and snaps — before the big day.
–- Help the bride change into her going-away clothes and take care of the bride’s wedding dress and accessories after the reception.

Anything to add, ladies? Have you ever been a co maid or matron of honor? How did it go?

We love our Blue Ribbon Vendors! They are some of the best in the best in the South, and we hope you’ll take a minute to check out their portfolios! Here, a few of our favorite new additions…

I love the name A Delightful Day, because when you hire Mary Alice and her team, you’re almost guaranteed a delightful wedding day! They are based in Nashville.

I kind of love that Catherine Ann is a former Disney World cast member — meaning, as she puts it, that she excels in “making dreams come true and capturing memories that will last a lifetime.” She is based in Tampa, FL.

Five Dot Design loves good stories, so it’s no surprise that Kristen fell in love with wedding stationery: the beginning to every big day’s story! She is based in Kentucky but works with clients from all over.

Heba Salama lives around the corner from our office, and we can testify that her personality is as warm as her photos! I love that she can capture color and joy as easily as quiet, sweet moments. She is based in Chapel Hill, NC.

Heirloom for Hire rents out their cherished collection of antique china, silver, glassware, and flatware for weddings, showers, and other happy events that need vintage flair! They’re based in Wilmington, NC, and their prices are wonderfully competitive. I love their sentiment: “We would love to add your event to the stories our dishes tell!”

I love the story of ivory sparrow: a mother in law created a set of wraps and robes for her daughter in law’s wedding, and their collection took off from there! These beauties make great personalized bridesmaid gifts.

Kim Starr Wise Floral Events is based in New Orleans and creates designs known for their lovely combination of heavenly blooms, textural elements, and organic elegance.

Roberts & Co is based in Washington, DC, and has all the efficiency you’d expect from a group used to working with busy professionals, but I love that their designs are fun and colorful, too!

If Teresa of Simply Couture Weddings is half as enthusiastic about her clients’ weddings as she was in our emails, I know y’all are in good hands! She and her team love your love and details, and it shows. They are based in Palm Beach.

Tres Chic Southern Weddings is based in Orlando, and specializes in creating an overall wedding design that brings old family traditions to life!

Still on the hunt for your perfect Southern vendors? Check out our whole crop here! Vendors, if you’re interested in applying, please fill out this form and we’ll be in touch!

It’s the middle of May in North Carolina, which means the jasmine is in full bloom! And oh boy, with this Southern stem, you can smell it before you can see it!

First, though, a little lesson about dainty flowers on vines that smell amazing, because we enjoy several of them in the South! The beauty above is honeysuckle — its blooms are a little more trumpet shaped, and turn from pink before blossoming into flowers tinged with orange, yellow, and white.

This gal is jessamine, also known as Carolina jessamine. It has extremely prolific golden yellow blooms that blossom at the end of winter.

The Southern Stem we’re chatting about today, however, is jasmine. The version we most often see down here is Confederate or star jasmine, which has very delicate creamy white blooms. These ambitious vines can grow to be 10-15 feet tall, at a rate of 12 to 24 inches per year!

Jasmine front door via Design Mom

The jasmine that’s most common in weddings, though, is a bit different — pinker and wispier.

Tanja Lippert (bouquet by Blush Floral Design)

I love it so much I used it in my own wedding bouquet!

Stephanie Williams, from Martha Stewart, Sean Money and Elizabeth Fay via Southern Weddings (bouquet by Tiger Lily Florist), Jesse Ryan via Southern Weddings (bouquet by Pollen Floral Art), and Jose Villa via Southern Weddings (bouquet by Flowerwild)

I’m certainly not the only one, though! I think brides love jasmine because its tendrils add an airy garden vibe to an otherwise formal bouquet — just the right note of “hand-picked.”

Martha Stewart, Landon Jacob via Southern Weddings, Christian Oth via Southern Weddings

I love when jasmine is included in centerpieces, because it seems to make the arrangements live larger than they are, since the dainty tendrils stretch out across the table.

Karen Mordechai (centerpieces by Ariel Dearie Flowers), Tory Williams (centerpiece by Rachel Mercier via 100 Layer Cake), from Martha Stewart

Speaking of spreading out, if you’re a jasmine fan, you must check out this installation created for a past Sunday Suppers dinner. Magical! Can you even imagine what that room smelled like??

Ariel Dearie Flowers (photo by Karen Mordechai)

Finally, I couldn’t find any cakes with jasmine vine, but I thought this stephanotis vine confection was great inspiration for what could be! And the wreath with jasmine vine was simply too pretty to leave out.

Wreath by Garden on the Square via Martha Stewart, cake from Martha Stewart

Tell me: Are you planning to incorporate jasmine vine into your bouquet? Do you have a hard time keeping all of the sweet smelling Southern blooms apart?

Gals, pull that box of tissues a little closer. Bride Casey (you may remember her from here) commissioned Catherine Orr to create a short family documentary video about her relationship with her mom, a stage-four breast cancer survivor who also happens to be her best friend. The two kept the project a secret for months, until Casey gave the final video to her mom the day before her wedding. Please enjoy the beautiful result.

Have a wonderful weekend celebrating the women in your life! We’ll see you back here on Monday.

Moms are the backbone of the South, don’t you think? Strong, gracious, graceful, loving, wise, and usually perfectly perfumed, they gave us our best recipes, our first lessons in hospitality, and, if we were lucky, our most deep-seated sense of security and self-worth. One of the most wonderful parts of a wedding day is getting a chance to publicly honor our mothers. Here, in honor of Mother’s Day, a few of our favorite photographs to remember these moments by.

Cyn Kain, Tanja Lippert, Live View Studios, Bamber Photography

Bamber Photography, Sarah McKenzie, Jo Photo, Graham Terhune

Bamber Photography, Aaron Snow via Christina Leigh Events, Elaine Palladino, Loft Photographie, Elaine Palladino

Amalie Orrange, Renee Sprink, Loft Photographie, Renee Sprink, Paige Jones

Loft Photographie

Go hug your mama today, belles! And happy Mother’s Day to all of our mamas reading — we know you’re out there! :)

Amalie Orrange, Bamber Photography, Christina Leigh Events, Cyn Kain, Elaine Palladino, Graham Terhune, Jo Photo, Live View Studios, Loft Photographie, Paige Jones, Renee Sprink, and Sarah McKenzie are delightful members of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!