1. Consider an engagement session. A pre-wedding session will help you feel more comfortable in front of the camera (I know this was definitely true for my husband!). And, it will prepare your photographer for your wedding day by allowing her to see how you two interact, and get a feel for your best features.

2. Plan your morning carefully. I am a huge proponent of this tip. Choose a room with abundant natural light to get ready in. If possible, choose a room with neutral colors, and try to keep things neat and tidy throughout the morning. This will help your photos stay cohesive and clean-looking. If details are important to you, have everything you’d like photographed laid out and waiting for your photographer a full invitation set, special jewelry, a vintage handkerchief, etc.

Jen Huang

3. Share your morning. This is a tip from BRV member Caroline Joy: “Specifically invite your closest loved ones to be with you when you’re getting ready for your wedding. And encourage them to get totally ready beforehand, because most people like photos of themselves more when they look their best. It could be your mom, dad, a special relative, or simply your closest friends, but I love the idea of intentionally making them feel special by sharing those moments with them.” This is a wonderful way to create an opportunity for those spontaneous, sweet, intimate moments to happen the ones we want captured on our wedding day, but can’t really plan for.

4. Create a generous timeline. I spoke about this a bit here, but if photographs are important to you, build in as much time as possible for them. Generally speaking, the more time your photographer has with you, the better the photos she/he will be able to produce. If you’re not sure how much time you’ll need for portraits, check with your photographer.

Jemma Keech

5. Consider doing a first look. I completely respect those who want to see their significant other for the first time at the end of the aisle, but if you and your fiance are ambivalent, I’d definitely consider doing a first look. That way, you can take care of the majority, if not all, of the formal family groupings pre-ceremony, leaving extra time for bride and groom portraits or to attend cocktail hour post-ceremony.

6. Do not create a ridiculous shot list. Please, for the love of sweet tea, do not create a shot list with specific poses or moments. (You know the ones I’m talking about: they include things like “Dad whispering last minute advice to groom” and “bride’s parents whispering to each other during dinner.”) Remember why you hired your photographer, trust him, and give him room to let his creativity shine. Asking him to recreate something he or someone else has already done before will not give him the time or space to create something amazing for your special day. Instead, try showing your photographer some of your favorites from his portfolio, which will help him understand the work you’re attracted to.

Kate Murphy via Ann Street Studio

7. DO create a formal shot list. On the other hand, it’s important to think carefully about the formal groupings that you’d like captured either pre- or post-ceremony. Try to keep the list to ten or fewer combinations (i.e. bride and groom with bride’s parents, bride and groom with all siblings) to avoid impatience and stress. When you give the list to your photographer, be sure to include names this will help her direct the portrait session smoothly and kindly!

8. Communicate with the VIPs. Once you’ve got that great shot list, be sure to share it with all the people involved. Email them a copy in advance, print out more copies for the day of – whatever it takes! Make sure they know where to be, when to be there, and what they should be wearing so you’re not scrambling after everyone on the big day.

The Nichols via Snippet & Ink

9. Plan for capturing the details. In addition to gorgeous portraits, many of y’all want your photographers to capture the details you’ve worked so hard on. This requires communication, too! If possible, work with your planner/venue/special helpers to set up the reception space as early as possible, so that your photographer can snap the details either pre-ceremony or during cocktail hour, before guests have entered the space and ideally while there’s still natural light outside.

10. Ask questions. Our last tip for working with your photographer? Ask them! “Is there anything I can do to help you do your job better?” Photographers, like all wedding vendors, try their hardest to be flexible, and they’ll do the best they can under whatever circumstances they find themselves in. But, if you do what you can to provide the optimal environment, they’ll probably produce their optimal results. And THAT is what we call a win-win :)

Sweet Little Photographs

What do you think, ladies? Anything you’d add to our list? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Caroline Joy is a delightful member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

The host line was traditionally used to show who was (monetarily) hosting the wedding. Nowadays, the lines are much blurrier, and even if one set of parents or the other (or the couple!) is paying, a range of hosts might be included on the invitation.

We’ve outlined some of the more common scenarios above, but if you have any additional questions, feel free to leave them in the comments below and I’ll take a stab at them!

Photo by Amy Moss

I think the situation Dea is describing is extremely common in the South. (Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments!) I am with Dea that the appropriate solution is not to invite 300-400 people to the wedding if that’s not what the couple wants or what is in the cards financially. There is never an excuse to go into debt for a wedding, and while family opinions should be given considerate weight by the bride and groom, they should never be pressured into an event with which they’re not comfortable.

I think the first step is to offer the gracious potential hostesses an effusive thank you. Then, make it clear to them that the couple is planning a small wedding and that a traditional shower might not be the most appropriate choice. If they still insist on hosting, I actually think that’s just fine and a lovely gesture, but I would consider calling the event something like a “luncheon in honor of the bride” or a “meet the bride breakfast” instead of a shower, and I would insist on no gifts.

In lieu of gifts, you could ask each guest to bring a favorite recipe for the bride. Or, since it sounds like most guests have known the groom for most of his life, they could each write out a favorite or funny memory from his childhood, a volume I’m sure any bride would cherish!

Belles, what do you think? What would you advise in this situation? Any other ideas for a non-gift shower?

P.S. Have your own etiquette conundrum? Feel free to email me!

This post is sponsored by Gemesis. We think their man-made, 100% real diamonds are the bee’s knees, and we’re excited to have the chance to introduce them to you today!

Hello, friends! The wedding industry likes to refer to the time between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day as “engagement season.” While I think that’s a little silly, it is true that bunches of guys and gals WILL get engaged over the next few weeks which is very exciting!!

I remember when John and I first started to think about getting engaged, I was completely overwhelmed. (A wedding expert I may be, but an engagement ring expert I am not.) Just in case any of you are feeling the same way, I thought it would be fun to share a few tips we’ve picked up, in the hopes they’ll prove helpful!

1. Figure out how you’ll approach the situation. Is your guy super traditional, bound and determined to do the entire thing himself? Or would you both prefer to navigate the purchase together? You might be surprised by your partner’s thoughts on the subject, so make sure you sit down and have an honest conversation to avoid hurt feelings or misconceptions on either side.

2. Discuss a budget. Speaking of honest conversations, I think it’s entirely wise to sit down with your partner and discuss a reasonable budget for this purchase. Unromantic? Maybe. But I know that in my case, my and John’s finances were already largely entwined even before we got engaged, and our financial goals were, too. We both wanted to make sure we had a price range we were comfortable with before we stepped foot in a store and had our eyes dazzled by diamonds.

3. Collect inspiration. Hello, Pinterest! At the beginning of the process I’d recommend getting a feel for what’s out there and what styles you’re attracted to. Even if you intend to leave all of the shopping to your boyfriend, he might ask your Mom, sister, or best friend for assistance, and it’d be great if they had a few photos to reference when giving advice. If your BF is super savvy, he might even take a peek at your board himself!

4. Get educated on your options. And oh my, they’re endless. Online v. brick and mortar retailer? Small v. large store? Traditional diamond v. man-made diamond? Is there a family stone in play? They’re all important things to consider. And yep, I said man-made diamond. Gemesis diamonds are man-made diamonds, but they are real, carbon crystal-growth diamonds! We love that these beauties are conflict-free by definition, as well as eco-friendly. Approximately two tons of earth have to be moved to produce 1 carat of mined diamond, which is a huge disturbance to natural ecosystems, and there are carbon emissions associated with this process, as well. Good to know!

5. Shop together. Again, even if you plan to leave the final choice up to your partner or shop online, I’d recommend stepping into a store to see how things look in person. You could even go with a friend, or by yourself! You’ll learn which of the 4 C’s are most important to you (for example, I couldn’t tell the difference between clarity as much as I could color), as well as which shapes and sizes look best on your finger.

Any tips you might have to add, please leave them in the comments! And y’all know we love to share the exciting news about our newly engaged readers, so if you have a shot to share of yourself getting engaged or directly following your engagement, please send it to Marissa! We’ll collect them all and share them on the blog early in the new year.

Around these parts, it’s been said that if it stops moving, I’ll monogram it. To be honest, that couldn’t be more true. Growing up, my initials were MNA, which is perfectly fine until you use a 3-letter monogram. Then it’s mAn not so cute! So when I married my adorable hubby and became MAK (or mKa for 3-letters), I could not have been more thrilled and literally made up for lost time monogramming everything that well…stopped moving! As a Southerner, we’re born monogrammed (or at least my babies will be), but the formal etiquette of which letter goes where can become a bit tricky.

That’s why we turned to our friend Emily at Emma J Design. She created this handy-dandy “cheat sheet” to help unfold the etiquette of the monogram. It will help you choose the appropriate monogram style for before, during and after the wedding.

Emily says, “we know as much as the next bride that we cannot wait to use our new last name and incorporate it into our lives as newlyweds! From your thank you notes to use as an engaged woman to your thank you notes as a married woman, your monogram evolves throughout the process. Whether your style is modern, traditional or vintage, there are many ways to incorporate your initials, your fiance/husband’s initials or your new married name together.”

Need a little more guidance? She also created a cheat sheet for invitation etiquette as well! Be sure to check it out here. Thanks for your help, Emily!

Now, tell me, how will you be incorporating your pre- and post-wedding monogram into your wedding and daily life?

At 1:45, I, my bridesmaids, and my immediate family members will have arrived at our portrait location. We’ll cycle through a variety of different groupings while we await the rest of our party. At 2:15, John, his gents, and the rest of his immediate family will have arrived at our portrait location. At this point, we’ll set up our first look.

I use the term “set up” loosely, as I am really not a fan of the elaborately staged first look. In fact, the only thing I really care about is that it is as private as possible. Of course, our photographers (2) and videographers (2) will be in the vicinity, but other than that, we’d like it to be as private as possible. (I know some folks have their bridal parties or families in on the action, and truly, I don’t really care if they’re watching as long as I don’t know they’re watching.) I also really don’t like the whole “tapping on the shoulder” thing, so, depending on what Tanja thinks, we’ll probably just have John waiting, facing the direction I’ll be approaching from, and I’ll walk around the corner towards him. I might start running :)

He & She Photography

Why did we choose to do a first look? The decision was largely based on logistics. We have large families, and we wanted to make sure we had enough time to get all of the important groupings in good light, with minimal stress, and without cramping Tanja’s style. Also? As I’ve mentioned before, I know John is going to be pretty darn nervous on the morning of our wedding, and I think it would be best to vent at least a little of the emotion pre-ceremony so that we can both be present and enjoy it once we’re in the church. It’s not the right choice for everyone, but I believe it is for us!

Before we continue with the timeline, I’d like to mention a brief aside about large group portraits. They’re kind of my thing. As you may recall, a knack for effortless, natural posing was one of my top three critera when it came to choosing our photographer. I love to pin favorite portraits, and some of the photos from my sister’s wedding are some of my lifetime favorites. Because really, though I love the details as much as anyone else, the portraits are what you’ll treasure for the rest of your life, am I right? On that note, here are a few of my favorites:

From top to bottom: Jessica Monnich, Adam Barnes, Tanja Lippert, Adam Barnes

Clearly Tanja is a master at this stuff, so I have no doubt we’ll get exactly what we want. If you’re concerned about your photographer and/or your family members being comfortable with something like this, here are my two best tips: squeeze in much closer than you think is necessary, and make sure people are touching at different points and in different ways – a hand on an elbow there, an interlocked arm there. For more, I really enjoyed this post on relaxed family portraits by photographer Caroline Joy.

But back to the timeline! We’ve allotted an hour for family portraits, and with travel time, we expect to arrive at the chapel at 4pm. At 4:30, our ceremony will begin. Because of all the things we’re planning on packing into our ceremony (see here + here!), we expect it will last about 40 minutes.

We will not be doing a receiving line at the church, and our plan is to basically walk directly out of the church, into our waiting car, and hightail it to the reception location so that Tanja can work her photo magic on the details before our guests arrive at the cocktail hour. Once she’s finished up what she needs to do, we’ll take portraits for approximately half an hour, and then we’ll join our guests for the last half of cocktail hour.

Tanja Lippert. Squeal!!

Our cocktail hour and reception spaces are distinct, so at 6:30, we’ll welcome our guests into the reception tent. We are doing a “grand entrance” with our full bridal party (one of the only things we’ve definitely picked out a song for!), and then we’ll move directly into our first dance from there. Immediately after our first dance my Dad will give his toast, and then the “first course” will be served (for more about our food choices, check out this post!). About an hour later, we’ll cut back in to do our best man and sibling toasts, John and I will speak briefly, and then we’ll do the father daughter/mother son dance before opening up the floor for dancing. After that the only other interruption will be when we cut the cake and share our slideshow, likely around 8:45. Our exit will be at 11pm.

So clearly I’ve thought about this timeline thing. But on the day of the wedding? I don’t want to be thinking about this timeline thing. And that’s where Diana comes in. Diana works with my friend Candice at Jubilee Events, an awesome wedding planning and event design company in Connecticut. Diana is our day-of coordinator, and I’m so grateful that I’ll be able to hand over the reins to someone so competent, kind, and resourceful come September! A planner or coordinator is not in every budget, but I would highly recommend making room for one if you can, and if not, at least arranging a handpicked family member or friend to be the point person on the day of your wedding. As I’m sure you’ve heard before, you want to be able to enjoy your wedding day instead of stressing over whether everything is getting set up correctly and whether little details are being taken care of! I think a day-of coordinator or planner is also a gift to your family and friends – both because you’ll be less stressed, and because it will allow them to relax, as well. A win win!

I think that about wraps things up for this week, friends! Any questions about our timeline or how things will run on our wedding day, just ask!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters | Where we’re getting married | I go dress shopping | We choose a photographer | I ponder bridesmaid style | Mini food! | The music | We’re renting a tent! | We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres | We send out our save the dates | I gather hair and makeup inspiration | We talk cake and sweets | I introduce you to our videographer | We create a registry | We buy a tuxedo | We style a reception | I choose accessories | We take engagement photos! | We plan our ceremony | We discuss ceremony music and readings

Adam Barnes is a fabulous member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

Vitalic Photo via Southern Weddings

Who speaks?
The mic at the wedding is reserved for your VIPs; the rehearsal dinner is a better option for cousins and friends.

In what order do they speak?
Traditionally the host of the evening (usually the father of the bride) kicks things off by welcoming guests and offering a few words. His toast is followed by the best man’s and maid of honor’s. If you have siblings or non-hosting parents that would like to speak, they would go next. To end, it’s nice to wrap things up and direct guests towards the next activity. The father of the bride could step back in and do this, or the groom could say a few words. The bride traditionally does not speak, but many now choose to speak along with their new husbands, or independently.

When do they speak?
Unfortunately (maybe due to a few bad experiences?), many guests dread the toasting portion of the evening, so it’s important to make sure that toasts fit into the overall flow of the evening. For a seated dinner, we recommend having the father of the bride speak before the first course, the best man and maid of honor before the second course, and the bride and groom as the meal is concluding but before guests have gotten up from their seats. For a buffet dinner, it’s best to catch everyone’s attention just after guests have entered the reception space from cocktail hour. You could then do all toasts consecutively, or save half for later, right before or after the bride and groom cut the cake.

Do we need to pour everyone champagne?
No, ma’am! Just asking guests to raise a glass of whatever is in their hands is perfectly appropriate.

Stephen Devries via Southern Weddings

Now, as promised, our top ten tips for toasting!

Do you have anything to add to our list? What made the best toast you’ve ever heard so great? Brides, are you planning to speak at your own wedding? Comment below and let us know!

I had just the query, one that came in from a lovely mother of the bride (oh, how we love that mothers read our blog, too!). Here it is:

Hello, Emily,

I read your post about not inviting people to showers who are not invited to weddings, which agrees with my personal opinion and everything else I find on the same topic, but I want to ask the same question again with my own twist, as I am not completely sure if this principle applies in every situation.

My daughter is newly engaged to a boy who grew up in the small town to which we moved about four years ago. His parents grew up here, as well. The moment their engagement was made public, several women at our mutual church volunteered to be shower hostesses, which is a part of the local generous Southern tradition.

Between the couple, they have over 80 family members who will be invited to the wedding. This includes siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They want to limit the wedding to that group and a dozen or so close friends, most of whom will be members of the wedding party.

Should my daughter decline the offers of these women to host a shower, since they will not be invited to the wedding? The groom’s mother feels that the appropriate solution is to have a 300 – 400 person guest list, including people neither the bride nor groom really know, but this is not only outside the limits of our financial ability, it is also not what the bride and groom want for their special day.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this matter!

Mother-of-the-Bride

A perfectly Southern table setting, courtesy of Katie Rivers

I think the dilemma of the “church shower” is both very common and uniquely Southern (i.e. I had never heard of this predicament before I moved South, but have since heard of it several times!). A strong church family is such a wonderful thing to have in your life, but it can make things like shower and wedding guest list planning complicated. Hence, why most Southerners don’t bat an eyelash upon hearing about a 400, 500, or 600 person guest list!

However, a monster guest list is not the solution for every bride, and does not sound like the solution in this case. So, if inviting the church ladies to the wedding and allowing them to host a shower is not the answer, what is?

I think the first step is to make it clear to the would-be hostesses that the couple is planning a small wedding and that a traditional shower might not be the most appropriate choice (while you’re at it, get the MOG on board, too, so she can help spread the word discreetly!).

If they still insist on hosting an event, I actually think that’s just fine, and a lovely gesture. I’m sure it’s one borne out of genuine love for the bride and groom! However, I would guide them towards calling it something besides a “bridal shower” perhaps a “luncheon in honor of the bride” or a “meet the bride breakfast.” I would also insist on no gifts, and make sure that that’s clearly printed in the invitation. That way, the focus will be on surrounding the bride with love and support, and the risk for hurt feelings should be greatly minimized!

Ladies, I would LOVE to hear what y’all think – is this a situation you’ve run up against? What would you do if you were faced with this situation? Would you allow a traditional shower to be held, take a middle road like I’ve suggested, or insist on none at all? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!

P.S. Have a etiquette query of your own? Feel free to shoot me an email!

P.P.S. Past etiquette conundrums:
Tipping wedding vendors
Wedding rings for men
Formal invitations – necessary?
Clapping at the recessional

He helped me feed the kids and we both gave them baths together, and I think that was good for his heart. I cleaned up the dinner mess while he read bedtime books and tucked the kids in bed, making sure bunnies and Mr. Bears were in the appropriate arms before kissing them and turning out the light. And I think that was good for his soul.

By the time he came downstairs, he looked a little better. He opened a beer for us to share while he sat at the kitchen table watching me cook our dinner – his favorite, steaks and potatoes, a last minute change from my carefully planned weekly menu, because he looked like he could use a favorite.

As I moved easily around the kitchen, he told me about his day. About the terrible meeting where he’d let her go, about how hard it is to be the boss, about how he worried what this would do to the morale of the rest of the staff, about how guilty he felt. I really didn’t have to say too much. I knew he just needed someone to talk to, someone who loved him no matter what decisions he had to make. I offered a few words of encouragement, reminded him how proud I was of him for being such a kind person who even has these moments of doubt, but mostly, I was just there with him.

After dinner, we moved to the back deck and sat on our steps, talking about the kids and the upcoming visit from the Easter Bunny. I told him about a book I was reading, and he told me about a new kind of pool pump he thought we should get. We sat outside for an hour before we headed up to bed. Before he fell asleep, he told me he felt better and knew that he would sleep soundly. Before I fell asleep, my mind went back to my to do list, sitting on the kitchen counter, untouched all night. There wasn’t anything on that list that couldn’t wait, I decided, and I, too, slept soundly.

In the eight years that I have been married, I have learned that best laid plans are often set aside for the sake of my marriage. And I’ve learned that when I put other things before the needs of my husband and our relationship, everything just kind of falls apart.

At the core of everything in my life, there is my faith and there is my husband. I have other obligations, other priorities, other responsibilities, of course. But my marriage always comes first. It is the foundation on which everything else is built. I don’t feel bad when I put everything aside to sit and hold my husband’s hand. I don’t feel bad when I we occasionally get a sitter for the kids and have a date night. I don’t feel bad when I cancel other plans because I haven’t had a night at home with Chris in over a week. I don’t feel bad because I know that when my marriage is happy, everything else in my life is better.

We make time for the things that are important in our lives. I encourage you to make time for your marriage. Making your marriage a priority not only builds a solid foundation for your relationship, but it says to your spouse, “You are more important to me than anything else.” Love is strengthened over bathtubs full of kids, shared beers, and back deck conversations, I promise you.

Make your marriage a priority. If you don’t, who will?

See more from this lovely engagement session by Paige Elizabeth in its Facebook Friday album!

A Bryan Photo

As soon as we knew he would be wearing a tuxedo, we knew we would be buying, and not renting. There were a few reasons for this:

1. He has to wear a tuxedo for two weddings this summer, and likely more in the future, so it made sense for us financially.
2. A great fit was very important to us, and you can’t tailor a rental. Grooms in baggy tuxedo pants make me sad!
3. We had a specific style of tuxedo in mind, and we didn’t think we’d find it at a rental shop.

Ashley McCormick via Southern Weddings

As I mentioned, we had a specific tuxedo aesthetic we were going for, and it was largely based off of two things: the J.Crew tuxedo (which is very sharp, but very expensive), and this handy New York Times graphic which has been floating around Pinterest.

Our first choice was in the lapel style. There are three options: shawl, peak, and notch. Shawl is the most old-school, while notch is more understated and business-like. We went for peak.

Top two images are shawl collar tuxedos from Katharine’s wedding by A Bryan Photo. Below, on the left is a peak lapel (photo by A Bryan Photo), and on the right is a notch lapel tuxedo (photo by Adam Barnes via Southern Weddings)

We were also looking for a two-button jacket and a shirt with a point collar.

For accessories, we vetoed both vests and cummerbunds in favor of suspenders for a more clean, modern, and fuss-free look. And all you Southern ladies will be pleased to know that John will be tying his own black bow tie! (Well, maybe with some help from Dad… or this handy SW graphic!)

Amanda Rae Photography via Style Me Pretty and A Bryan Photo

So we knew what we wanted, but not where to find it. Enter Marget’s fiance, who wears tuxedos frequently for work (fancy!) and is something of an expert. He recommended the Tommy Hilfiger tuxedos at Macy’s as a reasonably-priced option of good quality. On the day we cruised over to the Macy’s site to check things out, the tuxedo that caught our eye just so happened to be 66% off! With free shipping and free returns, we didn’t hesitate to snap one up in John’s size. For those that are curious, we bought this jacket and these pants, and this shirt. We’re still on the hunt for the perfect bow tie, suspenders, and shoes!

Jessica Lorren

So we have a tux – yahoo! Now all that’s left is to get it tailored, and to add a little personalization. Who says belles are the only ones who get to have fun with embroidery and monogramming? We haven’t decided yet exactly how we’ll add some pizazz, but embroidering the inside of the jacket is at the top of my list:

Lisa Poggi

What will your groom be wearing on his wedding day? If he’s wearing a tuxedo, which lapel style did you choose? Will you be renting or buying? Please comment + let me know!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style
Mini food!
The music
We’re renting a tent!
We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres
We send out our save the dates
I gather hair and makeup inspiration
We talk cake and sweets
I introduce you to our videographer
We create a registry

P.S. If you like this post, check out these other ones, too!
What to wear to a black tie wedding as a guest
Our menswear favorites from 2011
An overview of wedding menswear options
How about tuxedos with navy dresses?

Adam Barnes and Jessica Lorren are fabulous members of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

Do register for fine china, if it makes your heart happy. Once upon a time, it was considered sacrilege not to register for fine china. Now, I feel like the pendulum has swung in the other direction, and couples sometimes feel guilty about registering for porcelain. Some worry it’s too expensive, or that their peers will think they’re old-fashioned, stuffy, or impractical. I say just because your friends can’t figure out when you’ll use your china shouldn’t stop you from asking for it! They’ll figure it out when they arrive at your next dinner party :)

We chose the route of registering for a mix of every day china and fine china. We also chose to mix and match between patterns, and only register for the pieces we think we’ll most use and enjoy. (And yes, I plan to use these pretties! My morning muffin will look darling on those dotted bread and butter plates, don’t you think?) I had some fun playing around with the different pieces on my blog here, if you’re curious to see how everything will fit together!

Do register for your now, and for your later. When I first suggested registering for 12 place settings, John looked at me like I had 12 heads. We both come from large families, though, and Christmas and Easter dinners usually include a minimum of ten relatives. We might not be hosting said dinners now, but we very well might be in a few years.

Don’t feel you have to register for a full set of everything. We didn’t register for a complete set of glassware, since we already have everyday drinking glasses that we love, but we did opt to mix in a few new pieces, like champagne flutes and chardonnay glasses, since we currently own just four wine glasses (and they are very sad-looking, indeed).

Do test things out in person. I adore the flatware we chose. Something that was important to me with flatware was the heft – we wanted something slim and lightweight but with classic styling – and so testing different sets out in person was important to us, and something I’d highly recommend making time for.

Don’t agonize over expensive items. As long as you have a good mix of high and low price points, including a few pricier items is perfectly fine. In fact, I’d say it’s actually a good thing to do, because some guests might like to go in together on a single item. I would note here that it is important to think about the demographics of your guests, because what’s considered a high price point for one guest list could fall into the low price point bracket for another one. Finally, your store’s completion program could provide an incentive to register for more expensive items, even if you don’t expect to receive them as gifts.

For us, this meant registering for a few Le Creuset pieces, even though the prices can be a bit hard to swallow. Since we already own one piece, though, I know how amazing they are to cook with (and clean!!), and the lifetime warranty can’t be beat. I love the idea of receiving wedding gifts that will be a part of our life for years and years, and I think our Le Creuset pieces fall into that category.

Do register at a few different places. We registered at two chains with great websites and locations nationwide, and we also chose to register at Amazon. We like that this combination lets us choose from small and independent retailers, too.

Don’t be afraid to register for non-traditional items. Though I would say the majority of our registry falls into the “traditional” category, we’ve used Amazon’s universal registry feature to ask for some unique items, like a Brahms Mount throw, an insulated picnic basket, fun pillows, seagrass baskets, and even a piece of art. We’re considering adding some camping supplies, too!

There you have it, friends! Our registry in a nutshell. Should you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask! And I’d love to hear if you have any dos and don’ts of your own that you’d add to my list!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style
Mini food!
The music
We’re renting a tent!
We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres
We send out our save the dates
I gather hair and makeup inspiration
We talk cake and sweets
I introduce you to our videographer

Michelle Warren via Southern Weddings

Wedding Planner
Should I tip? If your planner owns her own business, then no tip is expected, since it’s not customary to tip the owner of a business. However, if you would like to recognize exemplary performance, a personal gift or check is an option.
How much? Up to $500, or 15% of her fee, or a nice gift
When? We recommend sending a thank you note and your check or gift after you return from your honeymoon.

Jodi Miller via Southern Weddings

Delivery and Set-up Staff
Should I tip? It’s a lovely gesture, especially if they were careful to set everything up to your specifications and without causing damage to the surroundings.
How much? $5 – $10 per person
When? Drop off envelopes with your catering manager or wedding planner if they’ll be accepting deliveries on your behalf

Josh McCullock

Wedding Photographer or Videographer
Should I tip? As most photographers and videographers own their own businesses, tipping is not expected or required in this case. Again, a personal gift is always a lovely touch.

Melissa Schollaert

Wedding Hair Stylist and Makeup Artist
Should I tip? Yes, this is one area where a gratuity is definitely expected. However, the owning-their-own-business exception is still in effect, so keep that in mind.
How much? 15-20%, just as you would for a normal appointment
When? On the day of your wedding, after she’s finished getting you prettified

Photos by Tim Will and Caroline Joy (via SW here + here)

Wedding Transportation
Should I tip? Check your contract, because a gratuity is usually included. If it’s not, then one is pretty much expected.
How much? 15-20% of the total bill
When? When the driver picks you up or after the last ride

Virgil Bunao via Southern Weddings

Wedding Ceremony Officiant
Should I tip? It isn’t necessary to tip religious officiants like a priest or minister (many of them, in fact, won’t accept cash tips). In lieu of a tip, a donation to their house of worship is a nice gesture. It’s not expected that you’ll tip a civil employee or non-religious officiant, either (and sometimes, in the case of civil employees, tipping can be illegal). For all officiants, a personal gift, such as a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, would certainly be appreciated.
How much? Approximately $100
When? At the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner

Scobey Photography

Wedding Ceremony Musicians
Should I tip? This one’s definitely optional. If the string trio you hired has arranged or learned a particular song for you at no additional charge, then a tip might be a nice gesture.
How much? $15 – $20 per musician, or 15% of total fee
When? Before the musicians leave your ceremony site

A Bryan Photo via Southern Weddings

Wedding Reception Band or DJ
Should I tip? It’s completely optional, but somewhat common. For bands that book their own gigs (i.e. separate from an entertainment agency), tipping is not customary.
How much? If you choose to tip, set aside $20-$50 per musician or $25-$150 for DJs
When? Before they leave the reception

Ulmer Studios via Southern Weddings

Wedding Reception Staff
Should I tip? Oh boy, this one’s the big guy. Yes, you should tip, but make sure a gratuity is not already included in your contract.
How much? There are two ways to tip. The first is to tip as a percentage of the cost of your total catering bill – 15-20%. The second way (which is often more economical), is to tip each staff member individually. If you’re going that route, here is the rule of thumb: catering manager, banquet manager, headwaiter, or maitre d’: $100-$300 or 1-3% of food and beverage fees; chef: $50-$100; waiters and kitchen staff: $20-$30 each; bartenders: 10% of the total liquor bill (to be split among them) or $20-$25 per bartender
When? Before you leave the reception

Now, as promised, my handy cheat sheet for tipping at your wedding – enjoy!

Jodi Miller, Josh McCullock, Melissa Schollaert, and Scobey Photography are fabulous members of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

Photo by ET Meyer; overlay by SW

The smell of wisteria is right up there with gardenias as one of the most iconic scents of the South, don’t you think? Wisteria is also a spring bloomer, just like the camellia, and it also has a very short bloom time.

Both photos by Christopher Baker from House Beautiful

The floriography meaning of wisteria is “welcome” or “I cling to you,” both perfect for a wedding!

Photos by Jen Huang via Snippet & Ink

Since wisteria is a climber, and not a traditional stemmed bloom, it’s a little harder to incorporate into wedding plans. We did round up a few suggestions, though. First, of course, it makes a gorgeous backdrop for portraits!

On left: photo by Daniela Fego from Style With Us. On right: Holland Photo Arts. Bottom two by Nancy Ray.

If wisteria isn’t in season on your wedding date, we thought this “wisteria hack” was very clever. Simple Elegance hung lavender stock upside down to mimic the delicate tendrils of wisteria, and we think it makes a great ceremony backdrop!

Adrienne Maples via Style Me Pretty

Wisteria can also provide inspiration for cakes and sweets!

Cake from Martha Stewart Weddings (photo by Lisa Hubbard), sweet wrapper from Style with Us (photo by Daniela Fego)

Finally, we found a sweet wisteria crown for your hair, and a sharp wisteria invitation from Bella Figura.

What’s your favorite Southern Stem?

Nancy Ray Photography is a fabulous member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

Until the first day back from their honeymoon, when they got into a fight on the way home from the airport about whether his new authentic Hawaiian shirt was really “accidentally” left at the hotel, or if the girl left it there on purpose.  (She’d never appreciated his ability to pull off a bold print, it turns out.)

And then there was that whole nine month pregnancy thing before their first baby arrived when she pretty much complained from the time she opened her eyes in the morning until she closed them at night, occasionally throwing in an appropriately timed, “You did this to me!” when the mood was right.

Of course, they ended up with careers in public education and public theater, so the million dollar paychecks never quite made it into their bank account.  And sitting around eating bonbons all day was replaced by walking around all day telling middle school boys to keep all of their body parts to themselves and insisting that all flying scenery be fire proof.

And they moved only about 30 minutes away from the mother-in-law, so it’s anyone’s guess how that whole opinions-to-herself thing is working out…

No, that fairy tale never came to pass.  Very few actually do.  Which is good, because if all fairy tales came true, we’d all be walking around dodging angry dwarfs, fire-breathing dragons, and ugly stepsisters.

The idea of a happily ever after in marriage has always intrigued me, mostly because I’ve changed my own mind about whether it’s actually possible at least a dozen times so far.  When I was a newlywed, I believed that happily ever afters really existed, and that the goal of marriage was to work towards that happy ending.  Later in my marriage, during those transformative years when we were transitioning from a couple to a family, I had a hard time believing in happily ever afters at all.  I felt like babies were going to cry and poop on me for the rest of my life, and whoever saw a princess ride off into a sunset with poop on her dress?

But as life has settled down for us in the past year or so, I’ve changed my mind once again about happily ever afters.  I do think they are possible.  But who really wants one?

Did you ever stop to think about why most fairy tales end with that catch phrase?  It’s because the real story, the real meat of the fairy tale, comes from the action before the ending.  No one cares too much about what happens after the prince and princess ride off into the sunset.  That’s no fun.  The real story in a fairy tale is in the struggle and the imperfection of the characters.  It’s not about looking forward to the ending in a story.  What makes a story worth reading is what happens before the story ends.

Marriage is one of those things that is best lived in the present tense.  You can’t go forward if you’re holding on to the past, and you can’t honor the past if you refuse to move forward.  And what’s in between the past and the future?  The present.

Be present in your marriage.  Plan for the future, yes.  Remember where you’ve been, yes.  But be present in the here and now.  Appreciate your spouse for what they have given you today.  One of the recurring complaints my husband makes about me in our marriage is that I don’t appreciate the little things he does.  And he’s right.  I really struggle with focusing on today in my marriage, and, instead, choose to point fingers at things he’s done in the past or worry about what’s to come in the future.  And all the while I’m fussing over those things, the day-to-day love in our marriage passes me right by.

Last weekend, my husband had to work from 9:00am until 10:00pm from Friday through Monday.  That left me home over a three-day weekend with our two kids, one toddler who is potty training and one baby who had pink eye.  I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I was really irritated.  But you know what?  Every night Chris came home for dinner and to help me put the kids to bed… and then he’d head back up to his office to keep on working.  So, I had a choice.  I could be mad at him for how my weekend had turned out, or I could choose to be grateful for what he was doing in that moment.  I chose to be grateful, and for three full hours every night, we had a really great time getting the kids fed, bathed, and put to bed together.  And then, yes, he had to leave.  And, yes, I was irritated to be alone again.  But had I not chosen to be grateful for what he was doing in that present moment, I would have missed those fun moments splashing with him by side of the tub during bath time, and I would have missed catching up with him in the kitchen while I cooked dinner and he gallantly fended off our hungry children (who were starting to resemble fire-breathing, hungry dragons by that time).

When we wait for and expect the happily ever after ending, we sometimes miss the once upon a time that’s happening today.  So, be present in your marriage and appreciate the happiness that is in your relationship today.  After all, sometimes it takes a fire-breathing dragon to fan the flames in a relationship.  Enjoy your once upon a time, and I promise you that the happily ever after will work itself out.

What’s your version of happily ever after?

All lovely photos by EE Photography, first seen in one of our recent Facebook Friday features!

P.S. Check out Katie’s past columns for Southern Weddings:
I believe in Valentine’s Day
Change is the Name of the (Newlywed) Game
My Wedding Registry Changed My Life
Working it Out With the In-Laws
Managing Your Money
Come on Baby, Light My Fire
On Moving

Camellia image by yocca; overlay by SW

Gorgeous, no? The camellia is such a soft, romantic flower, and it just seems quintessentially Southern to me. It’s also the state flower of Alabama. Lucky ‘Bama gals! Here are two botanical prints to give you a close-up look at those ruffly petals:

The botanical print on the left is available for purchase here, and the print on the right is available for free download here!

My research turned up various “floriography” meanings for the camellia, including graciousness, steadfastness, honesty, excellence, and “my destiny is in your hands.” All lovely, and perfect for a wedding!

Both images from Southern Living

Camellias are known for their big, luscious blooms. Because they’re heavy flowers, they like a little support, so floating them in shallow bowls or propping them up in short vases or pitchers is best. Loosely grouped vases of these blooms would be perfect as a long, low centerpiece down a reception table – nothing to block conversation!

Photo on left from Better Homes & Gardens; photo on right from Martha Stewart Living

Camellias bloom in all shades of pink, red, white, making them perfect for almost every color palette.

Adeline Country Cottage

Possibly my favorite characteristic of camellias is that they bloom in winter and early spring, when not too many other flowers dare to show their faces!

Browne Photography via Style Me Pretty

For those who would like to see camellias up close and personal, now is the perfect time! Descanso Gardens in Flintridge, CA, the Sarah P. Duke Gardens in Durham, NC, and Middleton Place just outside of Charleston, SC, all have great collections. Middleton, in particular, boasts hundreds of different camellia specimens, as the first camellia in America was reportedly presented to Henry Middleton in 1786!

Photo on left from Better Homes & Gardens, and on right, by Amy Neunsinger from House Beautiful

Finally, if you’re marrying in a season when camellias are not in bloom, but would still like to show your Alabama pride in flower form, we love these delicate paper versions from The Green Vase:

Images from The Green Vase

What’s your favorite Southern stem?

I know that Valentine’s Day gets a bad rap, as far as holidays go. I have friends who are violently against Cupid and his plethora of love arrows and conversation candy. “It’s a holiday invented by the card stores to make money!” they say. And I get that. But it’s a holiday that revolves around chocolate and jewelry. It just goes against my being to reject those kinds of themes. Diamonds and chocolates are the way to my heart. But diamonds hidden INSIDE chocolates are pretty much the way to my soul.

I’m shallow. I can’t help it.

As much as I love the candy, gifts, and general lovey-dovey-ness that comes with Valentine’s Day, I am actually a fan of the holiday for more than just those reasons. I think love gets a bad rap, especially in marriage these days, and so any holiday that stops and says, “Hey! Love is important, darn it!” is going to be fine by me.

I remember when Chris and I got married, we were told by so many people, “It takes more than love to make a marriage!” And, foolishly, we thought they were fools. We loved each other. We had each other. We could take on anything else. I’ve learned over the years that love don’t pay no power bill. And love don’t clean up no sick baby in the middle of the night. And love certainly don’t exempt a husband from a good butt whoopin’ when he forgets to call and say he’s going to be working late on your anniversary.

Turns out, there’s a lot of stuff that love won’t do in a marriage.

But there are a lot of things that love does do in a marriage. In my marriage, love is how we forgive. It’s the reason that this morning, after a blow up with my love muffin as I left for work, I couldn’t even get out of the neighborhood before I called him on my cell to tell him I was sorry. And love was the reason he said, “Me, too.”

In my marriage, love is how we learn patience. The first week that we brought our sweet, perfect son home from the hospital, we were giddy with excitement. But by 3:00am on the third day, I remember standing next to Chris at the crib, both of us just about in tears from exhaustion and frustration, and every fiber of my being wanted to turn and whack him in the knees with a hairbrush. HOW COULD HE HAVE JUST TURNED THE LIGHT ON IN THE HALLWAY?!?!? DIDN’T HE KNOW THAT WOULD WAKE THE BABY?!?!?! And yet, I let him live. Because when you love someone, you’re patient as they learn things. Like how to change diapers in the middle of the night without turning a light on.

In my marriage, love is how we make decisions. Love is that binding force that draws every decision we make back to our family. Should I take that job? Should we make that big move? Should I take a half day at work so that I can attend my two-year-old son’s Valentine’s Day party at his daycare? Love is at the center of all of those things. Because we love each other and we love the family that we have made together, everything else is done within the context of that love.

In my marriage, love is even how we fight. Isn’t that weird? It’s true, though. Love is what makes us so darn frustrated with each other sometimes. It would be so much easier to be married to Chris if I wasn’t in love with him. But that silly love thing means that I simply can’t live without him. And sometimes, that’s so inconvenient! I wish it didn’t make me mad when he worked late, or when we haven’t had a date night in a while, or when the weekend classes for my teaching certificate take up all my time. I wish we didn’t fight about those things, but we do. And when the dust settles, we find that at the very base of those little fights is the fact that we just love each other so much that we get irritated when other things get in the way.

No, love don’t pay no bills. And, yes, it takes more than love to make a marriage work. But at the root of everything that exists in a marriage, there is love. So, I celebrate Valentine’s Day. I buy the cards and eat the candy and make those slice-and-bake cookies with the little red hearts in the center. I’m a sucker for it all because I believe that there should be a day that makes us stop and say, “I love you.” Because as important as everything else is in marriage, love is how it all started and how we keep it going.

(A note to my husband: While love is important, so is that beautiful necklace I showed you last weekend at the jewelry store…)

Isn’t Katie awesome?! Check out her past columns for Southern Weddings:
Change is the Name of the (Newlywed) Game
My Wedding Registry Changed My Life
Working it Out With the In-Laws
Managing Your Money
Come on Baby, Light My Fire
On Moving

All photos by one of the most romantic photographers we know, Elizabeth Messina

P.S. Congratulations to Katie for being nominated for the 2012 Bloggies awards! This is a huge honor, so be sure to give her some love and vote for her here!

It only makes sense to chat about dates in today’s post introduction, because this week’s post is all about our save the date! For those who might not know, a save the date is typically a simple card that gives your guests a heads up on the date and location of your wedding. They can be sent six to twelve months in advance, unlike a formal invitation, which is traditionally sent just six to eight weeks before the wedding. Save the dates are by no means necessary, but they’re definitely useful if your wedding is on a holiday weekend or you know the majority of your guests will be traveling. Of course, they also serve to get guests excited about the upcoming celebration, too! For instance, I’d be pretty excited if I got this lovely in the mail:

One of my favorite save the date designs, a collaboration between Love*Jenna and Swiss Cottage Designs

As many of you probably know, I am an inveterate paper lover. I attend the National Stationery Show every year, and almost nothing makes me happier than collaborating with designers and calligraphers to develop stationery suites for editorial shoots. Great paper details are usually one of my favorite things about wedding submissions, too. So of course I was excited about the first paper-related detail of our wedding!

Knowing my love for paper and my general craftiness, I think some of my friends and family members were surprised I didn’t DIY our save the date. It certainly was a possibility that crossed my mind, but I pretty quickly decided that with my busy schedule and busy Etsy shop (where I design things for other brides – ha!), this was one wedding project that I didn’t need to take on. I am a little sad about not having gone “all out,” but I’ve come to terms with it :)

My decision was made much easier by the abundance of chic save the date designs available today. My personal favorite source? That would be Minted, and I know I’m not alone in this. Their crowd-sourced designs are the cream of the crop, and their prices are quite reasonable for the quality and customer service you receive in return. Plus, they often offer 10-15% off discount codes, so sign up for their emails and be ready to pounce once you’ve picked your preferred design!

Once I had decided we were going with Minted, it was time to pick. John and I considered several options, including these below:

Sources: 1) Fireflies save the date ($1.58 each), 2) Winter Flourish save the date ($1.58 each), 3) Float + Spring Shades save the date ($1.58 each), 4) Midnight Vineyard save the date ($1.58 each), 5) Fling save the date ($1.36 each), 6) Charming Go Lightly save the date ($1.58 each)

We did a little crowd-sourcing on my blog, and happily, public opinion seemed to line up with what we were already thinking: Midnight Vineyard was the winner. To make it our own, however, I knew I wanted to make a few modifications to the standard design. Happily, Minted is totally fine with that! We changed the font, the arrangement of the text, and the color of the text with no difficulty. We also added a solid colored backer, and a fun striped envelope liner. Literally about a week later, we had these beauties in our hands!

It’s a bit hard to tell, but the back is a solid pale blue.

I hand addressed each one with my best script, then stamped on the return address (I made the design in Illustrator, and then we ordered it through Rubberstamps.net.) The stamp was about $16 with shipping, and since I didn’t include our last names, we’ll be able to use it long after the wedding! I also very carefully chose our postage the Edward Hopper Forever stamp is perfect for our ocean-side reception spot! (Is it weird to feel as strongly about a stamp as I feel about this one? Because I’m slightly obsessed with this design…)

The envelopes, front and back:

And with the pretty striped liner:

Many thanks to Nancy Ray for snapping these lovely photos! Now, ladies, tell me: Did you send save the dates? What did they look like?

In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style
Mini food!
The music
We’re renting a tent!
We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres

I thought I’d use the next two posts to chat about one of my favorite topics: flowers! Today I’ll introduce you to our florist and share some of my favorite personal flower inspiration, and then next time we’ll talk ceremony and reception florals.

First, I’ll come right out and say it: I like some unusual flowers. Oh yes, I love garden roses and peonies as much as the next gal (oh, do I ever love them!). I also adore ranunculus, sweet peas, dahlias, gardenias, and pretty much every other fluffy or ruffly flower known to (wo)man. However, I also have a sweet spot for mock orange blooms. Clematis and dogwood flowers are two of my very favorites. Poppies, camellias, hellebores, and azaleas will also, fingers crossed, be making an appearance at our wedding. Lastly, I can’t get enough of mixing fruit and berries with florals some of my favorites are crab and lady apples, blackberries, and figs.

Two of my favorite bouquets: on the left, an anemone, ranunculus, garden rose, and peony bouquet by MG Floral (photo by Melissa Schollaert – see more here!), and on the right, an anemone, rose, sweet pea, and jasmine vine bouquet by KLF Floral (photo by Stephanie Williams)

Working with a florist who could source and comfortably incorporate all of these interesting materials was super important to me. Our florist was one of the first vendors we booked (even before photographer, I think!), and we couldn’t be happier with our choice. We found Elisabeth of Blush Floral Design through a recommendation from my planner friend, Candice of Jubilee Events. Elisabeth and I chatted over the phone about my style and some of my ideas, and I could immediately feel that she understood me. After our call, she sent me over some samples of her work which she felt matched what I’d been describing, and she was spot on! Her work is soft and sculptural and a little bit wild, but still refined just like I like it! Here’s a peek:

All bouquets are by Elisabeth and from her blog. Photo credits: Charlotte Jenks Lewis, Katie Slater, Charlotte Jenks Lewis, and JAG Studios

Of course, I have plenty of inspiration of my own that’s been building in my Pinterest boards (in fact, Elisabeth probably thought I was a little cuckoo when she opened up that email!). Want a peek?

Credits: Poppy and cabbage rose bouquet by Lindy Floral (photo by Ryan Ray via Wedding Chicks); mock orange and garden rose bouquet by La Fleuriste (photo by Lori Paladino via Grey Likes Weddings); white sweet pea bouquet by Salt Harbor Designs (photo by Millie Holloman); dogwood, tulip, peony, and lilac bouquet by Michelle Rago (from Martha Stewart Weddings); dahlia, garden rose, jasmine, and sweet pea bouquet by The Green Vase (from Martha Stewart Weddings); ranunculus, dusty miller, anemone, snow hydrangea, and silk daisy bouquet by Mindy Rice (photo by Elizabeth Messina via Style Me Pretty); garden rose, rose, ranunculus, and dusty miller bouquet by Quatre Coeur (photo by Elisabeth Millay)

LOVE! I’m still trying to decide if I should go all white for my bouquet (with some soft green lambs ear for texture) or mix it up a bit with the palest pinks and peaches. Either way, I plan to tie some sort of pale blue wide ribbon or bow around the stems.

For the gents, I’m also undecided. I might just forgo boutonnieres altogether, as I’m not a fan of most designs. Plus, I feel like they start looking kind of sad after the first hug! If we do go with bouts, I think we’ll do a simple small white flower (like a ranunculus or mini garden rose) paired with lambs ear. I also love blackberries in boutonnieres, but worry they might smoosh.

Credits: Blackberry boutonnieres by The Green Vase (photo by Jen Huang); mini garden rose boutonniere by Shea Hopely (photo by Brooke Images via Southern Weddings); lambs ear boutonniere by European Flower Shop (photo by J-Anderson Photography); white boutonnieres by Holly Flora (photo by Steve Steinhardt via Style Me Pretty)

To finish, I thought I’d give you a few of my tips for those of you still looking for the perfect florist:

1. Ask those you trust for recommendations. They could be from a vendor you’ve already booked whose style you love (they’re at weddings every weekend, and they remember the good stuff and the nice people!). They could also be from a curated online vendor resource, like our Blue Ribbon Directory!

2. Don’t try to change them. Just like you wouldn’t hope to fundamentally change your mate, don’t expect a vendor to stray far from her preferred style. If you don’t like the style of the arrangements or bouquets in their portfolio, you probably won’t like what they produce for your wedding. If you’re unsure, ask them to send over some examples of past work that they think fits with your style, like Elisabeth did for us (make sure you have an initial conversation first, of course!).

3. Be realistic about your budget. Many florists post a minimum on their website. If your budget does not come close, don’t expect them to make an exception just for you. If you are pretty close to their minimum, though, it doesn’t hurt to ask (respectfully, of course). We’re going to come in below Elisabeth’s minimum, but she agreed to work with us anyway. Yahoo!

Check back next time for my ceremony and reception floral inspiration! And please, help me out with a question I’ve been pondering: should I go all white for my bouquet, or mix it up with a little bit of color? Let me know what you think in the comments!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style
Mini food!
The music
We’re renting a tent!

Melissa Schollaert and Brooke Images are fabulous members of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

Credits, top to bottom and left to right: Michele M. Waite; Punam Bean via Ruffled; Benj Haisch; Aaron Delesie from Martha Stewart Weddings; Jessica Claire via GWS; Mary Dougherty; Chudleigh Weddings (for more of this lovely winter photoshoot visit here); Love is a Big Deal; Erin Hearts Court via Style Me Pretty; Meredith Perdue via Southern Weddings

Doesn’t this snowy eye candy make you want to curl up with a good book and a cup of hot cocoa? And just think: if it snows on your wedding day, all that fluffy snow calls from some extra close snuggling with your beau! You know, in order to stay warm!

Stay tuned, as Nicole will be stepping in soon with some Southern winter wedding Fab Finds that you don’t want to miss!

There’s absolutely no reason why traditional Southern style can’t be translated to the colder months, and I hope this board shows that. In fact, some Southern staples – raw cotton in particular – are more than perfect for winter. Use the fluffy bolls in bouquets, boutonnieres, and centerpieces for a lush winter look.

Madi wants to get married in a barn, which is also totally doable in the winter. Just make sure to rent heaters, as older barns can be pretty drafty!

For tablescapes, I love the idea of substituting flowers (which would be pricy, and probably not all that pretty) with low clusters of cotton in vintage silver containers surrounded by white and ivory pillar candles (probably in hurricanes, if we’re talking about a barn!). A tone-on-tone dotted linen or runner would complete the scape.

Throughout the day, concentrate on layering texture – cotton, wood, nubbly linen, luxe chiffon – over a pretty neutral palette of white, ivory, and barnwood gray.

Credits, clockwise from top left:

Cotton bouquet photo by Pasha Belman via Southern Weddings; Samuelle Couture dress photo by Eric Kelley via Grey Likes Weddings; monogrammed mason jars photo by Vue Photography via Southern Weddings; cotton boll boutonnieres photo by 13:13 Photography via Southern Weddings; dotted linen photo by Sylvie Gil via Style Me Pretty; hot cocoa from Martha Stewart Weddings; wood fireplace photo by Thayer Photo via Snippet & Ink; Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyard photo by Eric Kelley via Grey Likes Weddings

To tide you over until Marissa’s post, here are a few of my favorite winter weddings we’ve featured:
Molly + Ben’s Chapel Hill Christmas wedding (here + here)
Lizzie + Greg’s glam New Year’s Eve wedding (here + here)
Sarah + Ryan’s rustic barn winter wedding (here + here)
Ashley + Judd’s glittery ballroom winter wedding (here + here)

From top to bottom and left to right: Baby Greek salads via Martha Stewart Weddings, mini grilled cheese sandwiches from Fresh Tart, mini chicken and waffles by Cru Catering (photo by Bryan Johnson via Southern Weddings), sliders photo by Jose Villa, fancy pigs in a blanket photo by Thorsen Photography via Weddingbee, fancy deviled eggs by Cru Catering (photo by Bryan Johnson via Southern Weddings), mini lobster rolls from Martha Stewart Living, mini crocks of mac and cheese by Martha Stewart Weddings, shrimp BLTs by Cru Catering (photo by Bryan Johnson via Southern Weddings), mini tacos and tequilas by Peter Callahan, mini pulled pork tacos photo by SMS Photography via Style Me Pretty

Fun, right? In addition to some of the small bites pictured above, we’ll be serving small plates of composed mini meals at our evening reception. I don’t want to give away all of the details, but let’s just say I think our guests will be verrrry excited.

Once we had decided on mini food (full disclosure: it took a bit of convincing to get John on my side on this one!), it was time to find a caterer who could bring our somewhat unusual vision to life. We were looking for a few specific things in our food provider:

1. Someone in whom we had complete confidence. We knew that if our plan was executed incorrectly, our grand idea for a meal of minis could, quite literally, leave a bad taste in our guests’ mouths. Not exactly what we’re going for.
2. Someone who was willing to work with us on budget. We were prepared to pay a bit more per person than we might have for a traditional dinner, since more staff is required, but definitely needed to keep the overall cost within our budgeted amount.
3. Most importantly, someone who was open to our “mini” ideas, and who could run with them and make them even better than we had imagined.

On one whirlwind weekend home in Connecticut, we interviewed three caterers in a row. We almost immediately crossed off the first option, as we felt like they were a bit hostile to our ideas, instead wanting us to simply pick from their list of standard appetizers. We were pleased with the second option based on our first meeting, but they ultimately lost us as customers in the way they followed up after said meeting. The third option, however, was just right.

From the moment we stepped into the kitchen of A Thyme to Cook, we felt taken care of. Could it have been from the welcoming sign on the front door? Why yes, I think it could!

Our meeting, too, was exactly what we were hoping for. Instead of nailing down a menu right then and there (which would have been a bit absurd), Linda, the owner, spent considerable time getting to know John and I, asking specific questions about what type of wedding we’re planning and what type of foods we love and loathe.

I also loved Linda herself she was, honestly, a tiny bit intimidating, but that’s what I’m looking for in a caterer! Someone who gets things done. Bonus points for feeding us (yay!), and for reminding me of Martha Stewart Linda built her business from the ground up twenty five years ago, and it’s now housed in an adorable building behind her house. We also couldn’t have been happier with their follow up time: we received a menu and budget proposal within two weeks of our meeting, and it was clearly crafted with John and me in mind, and not cookie cutter. We are so happy to be working with A Thyme to Cook, and know we are in very capable hands!

Before I wrap up this post, I wanted to share a few tips from Maria Cooke and Kelly Seizert of Ritzy Bee Events. It was actually one of their weddings featuring a “strolling small plates” menu that inspired me to try something similar for our wedding, so I figured they’d be the perfect people to help any readers who might be curious about what pulling off an event like this entails. Here are a few of their expert tips:

What are your suggestions for making the food seem like a well thought-out meal, and not just a parade of appetizers?
We suggest you work with a caterer that is well-versed in this type of food service. It is important that enough of each item sweep the floor at the same time so that guests feel like they are taken care of. Work with your caterer to offer composed plates that are essentially a mini entree. Each plate should contain layers of flavor to keep things interesting. An example of a plate we love comes from Design Cuisine in Arlington, VA: braised beef short ribs and gnocchi with black trumpet mushrooms, baby carrots, and English peas.

How much and what type of seating would you recommend?
We suggest about 60% seating to help keep guests moving and out on the dance floor! Cocktail style seating is best. We suggest mixing 3′ cafe tables with chairs, bar height cabaret tables, and some furniture groupings to encourage guests to mix and mingle. It is always considerate to reserve a few cafe tables for any elderly guests that might not be able to be up-and-down as much as others. Be sure to let those guests know in advance that they have a reserved seat.

Examples of a clever “floor plan” from a Ritzy Bee cocktail-style reception, and a reserved seating sign from the same event (photos by Kate Headley).

How would you recommend altering the flow of the reception to accommodate the unusual food service?
It is a great idea to begin the event with more traditional cocktail hour with beverages and 1-bite passed hors d’oeuvres. Then, consider introducing the bridal party and kicking off the remainder of the reception with a speech or two and perhaps the first dance. From there, introduce the small plates in “flights” of food as opposed to offering every item at once. This will simulate the same dining experience and timing as a multi-course plated dinner. It will allow the kitchen and servers plenty of time to plate and stroll with each item and your guests will have a nice variety of food offered throughout the event.

What are your recommendations for making food and drink easily “walkable”?
– Serve fork-friendly food that is perfectly portioned to be eaten in a few bites.
– Keep plates small. 5″-6″ is a great size. Be sure to pass a reception fork and fresh cocktail napkin with each plate.
– Use big trays that hold 8-12 plates each and make sure that you have enough waiters that you can easily feed half the guests in “one sweep of the room”.
– For every server on the floor passing plates, make sure you have another server following behind to bus empty plates and flatware.
– Keep in mind that food, service, and rental costs are generally a lot higher for this style reception due to the quantity of people and items needed to provide an exceptional experience for your guests.

Thank you so much, ladies! Readers, can’t get enough Ritzy Bee? Be sure to preorder their new wedding planning book, due out in January!

My stars! If you’ve made it this far, pat yourself on the back! Then tell me: What sort of food will you be serving at your reception? Breakfast? A buffet? A sit down meal? Just dessert? I’m dying to know, so please comment and fill me in!

P.S. In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style

Grace wrote:

“To frame my main question, I should first provide some backstory. A friend of mine recently got engaged very unexpectedly, after only knowing her now-fiance for a few months. They sent out their save the dates in early April for a Labor Day weekend wedding. Mid-May comes, and I receive a mass text message informing me that they will instead be doing a family-only beach ceremony in July, due to cost and her father’s unexpected unemployment a year prior. Supposedly there were plans in the works to mail out some sort of an update on the family-only decision, but nothing has been mailed yet.

No big deal, but then the buzz starts to circulate that “family only” also includes a few friends from college and sorority.

This past weekend, I opened the mailbox to find an invitation to a bridal shower for her, about two weeks before the “family-only” beach wedding in July. My question to you is whether it’s appropriate (or best Southern etiquette practice) to invite people to a shower for a wedding they are not invited to attend. Essentially, opting for a smaller, cost-effective wedding says, “I can’t afford/choose not to pay for you to be a guest at our wedding,” and my understanding of wedding etiquette is that if someone is not a wedding guest, they should not be a shower invitee also. I, along with a few others, feel that it’s sending a message of “I’m not inviting you to my wedding, but please shower me anyway.”

I have gone back and forth with whether or not I should/want to attend her upcoming shower, and I really am stuck. As a friend and former wedding/potential shower guest, I find it hurtful to have learned that non-family guests have been invited to their “family-only” wedding, and I do not feel that inviting non-guests to a shower is a best bride practice.

Am I being petty? Would you go? Deep down, I do want happiness and love for her marriage, but I feel that making the decision to have a cost-effective, exclusive wedding comes with the understanding that most likely there will not be the traditional string of showers given.”

A happy couple, shot by Phindy Studios :)

GREAT question, Grace! Often in etiquette I feel like there’s some gray area, but in this case, I came down firmly on one side and I’m guessing most of our readers will, too. To confirm my suspicions, I checked with Emily Post:

“Who is invited to a shower? Normally, anyone invited to a shower should be invited to the wedding. The one exception is a workplace shower to which a large number of coworkers contribute. Showers are intimate gatherings for people you know very well– not excuses to haul in more gifts.”

If you are not invited to the wedding, you should not be invited to the shower. If the bride is having an intimate wedding, she should have an intimate shower or none at all. That might sound harsh, but in my opinion, it’s the only way to do things in good taste. If kind friends or relatives would like to give a gift when they hear the good news, regardless of their invitation status, that is their prerogative and certainly fine.

Now in Grace’s case, since the bride has already issued the invitation for the shower, it is now up to Grace and the other non-wedding guests whether they choose to a) attend or b) bring or send a gift.

Grace specifically asked what I would do, so here you go: If the shower were local, I would attend and bring a lovely, handwritten card expressing my best wishes for the couple. I would not bring a gift. If the shower were not local, I would not attend, but would still send a handwritten card.

Readers, I would love to hear your thoughts! Would YOU attend? Would you bring a gift? Am I being too black-and-white, or is this an issue where there is clearly an etiquette precedent for a reason? Let me know what you think!

As always, if you would like to submit your own etiquette query, just shoot me an email!

If you liked this post, you might want to check out past etiquette columns:
Bridesmaid Responsibilities
Tuxedos with Navy Dresses?
Who Gets a Save the Date?