Hello, friends! For the last few months we’ve discussed all things reception, so today, I wanted to share with you a little bit about another part of our wedding planning adventure: our registry!

Setting up our registry was something John and I did way earlier than necessary – back in August, about a month after we got engaged, and 13 months out from our wedding. Why so early, you ask? Well, for some reason, I got the idea in my head that a few of the guests at our engagement party might want to buy us something off our registry. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t, probably because it never would have occurred to most of them that we had already set one up!

Though most of our picks from our first scanning trips have remained favorites, we’ve definitely gone back and tweaked our selections several times over the last few months. I do anticipate a few more tweaks before my bridal shower in June (and then probably a few more before the wedding!), but I feel like I’ve learned enough to offer a few dos and don’ts from my experience thus far.

Do register for fine china, if it makes your heart happy. Once upon a time, it was considered sacrilege not to register for fine china. Now, I feel like the pendulum has swung in the other direction, and couples sometimes feel guilty about registering for porcelain. Some worry it’s too expensive, or that their peers will think they’re old-fashioned, stuffy, or impractical. I say just because your friends can’t figure out when you’ll use your china shouldn’t stop you from asking for it! They’ll figure it out when they arrive at your next dinner party :)

We chose the route of registering for a mix of every day china and fine china. We also chose to mix and match between patterns, and only register for the pieces we think we’ll most use and enjoy. (And yes, I plan to use these pretties! My morning muffin will look darling on those dotted bread and butter plates, don’t you think?) I had some fun playing around with the different pieces on my blog here, if you’re curious to see how everything will fit together!

Do register for your now, and for your later. When I first suggested registering for 12 place settings, John looked at me like I had 12 heads. We both come from large families, though, and Christmas and Easter dinners usually include a minimum of ten relatives. We might not be hosting said dinners now, but we very well might be in a few years.

Don’t feel you have to register for a full set of everything. We didn’t register for a complete set of glassware, since we already have everyday drinking glasses that we love, but we did opt to mix in a few new pieces, like champagne flutes and chardonnay glasses, since we currently own just four wine glasses (and they are very sad-looking, indeed).

Do test things out in person. I adore the flatware we chose. Something that was important to me with flatware was the heft – we wanted something slim and lightweight but with classic styling – and so testing different sets out in person was important to us, and something I’d highly recommend making time for.

Don’t agonize over expensive items. As long as you have a good mix of high and low price points, including a few pricier items is perfectly fine. In fact, I’d say it’s actually a good thing to do, because some guests might like to go in together on a single item. I would note here that it is important to think about the demographics of your guests, because what’s considered a high price point for one guest list could fall into the low price point bracket for another one. Finally, your store’s completion program could provide an incentive to register for more expensive items, even if you don’t expect to receive them as gifts.

For us, this meant registering for a few Le Creuset pieces, even though the prices can be a bit hard to swallow. Since we already own one piece, though, I know how amazing they are to cook with (and clean!!), and the lifetime warranty can’t be beat. I love the idea of receiving wedding gifts that will be a part of our life for years and years, and I think our Le Creuset pieces fall into that category.

Do register at a few different places. We registered at two chains with great websites and locations nationwide, and we also chose to register at Amazon. We like that this combination lets us choose from small and independent retailers, too.

Don’t be afraid to register for non-traditional items. Though I would say the majority of our registry falls into the “traditional” category, we’ve used Amazon’s universal registry feature to ask for some unique items, like a Brahms Mount throw, an insulated picnic basket, fun pillows, seagrass baskets, and even a piece of art. We’re considering adding some camping supplies, too!

There you have it, friends! Our registry in a nutshell. Should you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask! And I’d love to hear if you have any dos and don’ts of your own that you’d add to my list!

In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style
Mini food!
The music
We’re renting a tent!
We discuss bouquets + boutonnieres
We send out our save the dates
I gather hair and makeup inspiration
We talk cake and sweets
I introduce you to our videographer

As y’all know, I’m planning a wedding of my own (whoo!), and something that has befuddled me from day one is wedding tipping etiquette. There are so many different sources offering advice, and so many different dollar amounts recommended for so many different vendors at so many different times, that your head can start to spin long before you start separating cash out into envelopes.

Plus, when you’re already shelling out thousands of dollars per vendor, you might find yourself feeling, ahem, a little less than grateful at the thought of tipping on top of your final bill. Believe me, I completely understand! BUT, if you remember that tipping is never required, and should only be used to reward exemplary service, you might begin to feel a little differently.

In case you find yourself wanting to tip certain vendors, I’ve distilled advice from several different sources, including Emily Post, Martha Stewart, and my Momma, and then added in my own two cents. I also put together a handy tipping cheat sheet for us all, which you can download at the bottom of the post and tuck into your pocket come wedding day!

Finally, remember that while cash or a gift is always appreciated, a grateful spirit on your wedding day and a genuine, thoughtful thank you note after your wedding are quite possibly the best thank yous you can give your vendors.

Michelle Warren via Southern Weddings

Wedding Planner
Should I tip? If your planner owns her own business, then no tip is expected, since it’s not customary to tip the owner of a business. However, if you would like to recognize exemplary performance, a personal gift or check is an option.
How much? Up to $500, or 15% of her fee, or a nice gift
When? We recommend sending a thank you note and your check or gift after you return from your honeymoon.

Jodi Miller via Southern Weddings

Delivery and Set-up Staff
Should I tip? It’s a lovely gesture, especially if they were careful to set everything up to your specifications and without causing damage to the surroundings.
How much? $5 – $10 per person
When? Drop off envelopes with your catering manager or wedding planner if they’ll be accepting deliveries on your behalf

Josh McCullock

Wedding Photographer or Videographer
Should I tip? As most photographers and videographers own their own businesses, tipping is not expected or required in this case. Again, a personal gift is always a lovely touch.

Melissa Schollaert

Wedding Hair Stylist and Makeup Artist
Should I tip? Yes, this is one area where a gratuity is definitely expected. However, the owning-their-own-business exception is still in effect, so keep that in mind.
How much? 15-20%, just as you would for a normal appointment
When? On the day of your wedding, after she’s finished getting you prettified

Photos by Tim Will and Caroline Joy (via SW here + here)

Wedding Transportation
Should I tip? Check your contract, because a gratuity is usually included. If it’s not, then one is pretty much expected.
How much? 15-20% of the total bill
When? When the driver picks you up or after the last ride

Virgil Bunao via Southern Weddings

Wedding Ceremony Officiant
Should I tip? It isn’t necessary to tip religious officiants like a priest or minister (many of them, in fact, won’t accept cash tips). In lieu of a tip, a donation to their house of worship is a nice gesture. It’s not expected that you’ll tip a civil employee or non-religious officiant, either (and sometimes, in the case of civil employees, tipping can be illegal). For all officiants, a personal gift, such as a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, would certainly be appreciated.
How much? Approximately $100
When? At the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner

Scobey Photography

Wedding Ceremony Musicians
Should I tip? This one’s definitely optional. If the string trio you hired has arranged or learned a particular song for you at no additional charge, then a tip might be a nice gesture.
How much? $15 – $20 per musician, or 15% of total fee
When? Before the musicians leave your ceremony site

A Bryan Photo via Southern Weddings

Wedding Reception Band or DJ
Should I tip? It’s completely optional, but somewhat common. For bands that book their own gigs (i.e. separate from an entertainment agency), tipping is not customary.
How much? If you choose to tip, set aside $20-$50 per musician or $25-$150 for DJs
When? Before they leave the reception

Ulmer Studios via Southern Weddings

Wedding Reception Staff
Should I tip? Oh boy, this one’s the big guy. Yes, you should tip, but make sure a gratuity is not already included in your contract.
How much? There are two ways to tip. The first is to tip as a percentage of the cost of your total catering bill – 15-20%. The second way (which is often more economical), is to tip each staff member individually. If you’re going that route, here is the rule of thumb: catering manager, banquet manager, headwaiter, or maitre d’: $100-$300 or 1-3% of food and beverage fees; chef: $50-$100; waiters and kitchen staff: $20-$30 each; bartenders: 10% of the total liquor bill (to be split among them) or $20-$25 per bartender
When? Before you leave the reception

Now, as promised, my handy cheat sheet for tipping at your wedding – enjoy!

Jodi Miller, Josh McCullock, Melissa Schollaert, and Scobey Photography are fabulous members of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

I’m so glad y’all enjoyed the first post in our Southern Stems series! (In case you missed it, we discussed camellias.) Today, we’re chatting about an equally Southern bloom – wisteria!

Photo by ET Meyer; overlay by SW

The smell of wisteria is right up there with gardenias as one of the most iconic scents of the South, don’t you think? Wisteria is also a spring bloomer, just like the camellia, and it also has a very short bloom time.

Both photos by Christopher Baker from House Beautiful

The floriography meaning of wisteria is “welcome” or “I cling to you,” both perfect for a wedding!

Photos by Jen Huang via Snippet & Ink

Since wisteria is a climber, and not a traditional stemmed bloom, it’s a little harder to incorporate into wedding plans. We did round up a few suggestions, though. First, of course, it makes a gorgeous backdrop for portraits!

On left: photo by Daniela Fego from Style With Us. On right: Holland Photo Arts. Bottom two by Nancy Ray.

If wisteria isn’t in season on your wedding date, we thought this “wisteria hack” was very clever. Simple Elegance hung lavender stock upside down to mimic the delicate tendrils of wisteria, and we think it makes a great ceremony backdrop!

Adrienne Maples via Style Me Pretty

Wisteria can also provide inspiration for cakes and sweets!

Cake from Martha Stewart Weddings (photo by Lisa Hubbard), sweet wrapper from Style with Us (photo by Daniela Fego)

Finally, we found a sweet wisteria crown for your hair, and a sharp wisteria invitation from Bella Figura.

What’s your favorite Southern Stem?

Nancy Ray Photography is a fabulous member of our Blue Ribbon Vendor Directory!

Six years ago, this blog didn’t exist, the magazine was just an idea in my head and I was living in Pensacola, Florida, planning weddings and training people at the gym a few days a week. One fine day, a tall handsome Navy gent glanced at me while doing squats on the Smith machine (which admittedly I thought was like cheating sissy squats at the time!) and the rest is history. We eloped to Vegas after just five months of dating. (And yes, the only thing I wish we would have done differently is hire a professional photographer…)

Here I sit, six years later, with a team of ladies to do great work with – work that fires me up! – and a magazine and blog that mean something and a cooing happy baby next to me and a husband who loves me deeply. We are not the same people we were when we first met that day in the gym. I am so grateful for what these six years have brought. I’m so grateful for the big risks and leaps of faith and all the amazing wonderful encouraging friends I’ve met along the way. If I was to write a letter to myself six years ago, I would simply say, “The best is yet to come! Do what matters and forget the rest.” Ari and I have certainly learned a lot about marriage since our tiny wedding in Vegas. The little chapel where we had our ceremony gave us a list of “Marriage Rules” as we left and little did we know how true some of them would be today. Ari and I adapted those rules a little bit and are happy to share our version here:

We’re celebrating today by having a picnic in the park by our house with Grace. The North Carolina flowers are almost in full bloom and the air feels finer than a frog’s hair split four ways! We’re celebrating YOU today, too. What I love most about what we do at Southern Weddings is encouraging couples to focus in what matters. Your wedding is one important day that marks the beginning of the good stuff. Marriage wins! Wishing you all blessed marriages ahead. The best is truly yet to come! Love, Lara (and Gracie who had a blast at the SW Yard Sale yesterday!)

As a happily ever after believer, I am excited to share Katie’s take on the fairytale turned reality today! Katie drops by twice a month to share her funny, smart, and poignant perspective on life after the wedding, and we know you’ll love her as much as we do!

Once upon a time, a handsome blonde boy fell in love with an incredibly attractive and intelligent redhead, and they decided to get married.

“Let’s live happily ever after,” the redhead said dreamily, batting her eyelashes at her handsome love.

“Okay,” he agreed.  “With you, life will be perfect.  We will never fight, our babies will be delivered by stork and raised by fairies who will teach them how to sleep through the night and pee in a toilet, our jobs will pay us millions of dollars to sit around eating bonbons all day, and your mother will only interfere when we ask for her opinion.  Life will be wonderful.”

And they lived happily ever after.

Until the first day back from their honeymoon, when they got into a fight on the way home from the airport about whether his new authentic Hawaiian shirt was really “accidentally” left at the hotel, or if the girl left it there on purpose.  (She’d never appreciated his ability to pull off a bold print, it turns out.)

And then there was that whole nine month pregnancy thing before their first baby arrived when she pretty much complained from the time she opened her eyes in the morning until she closed them at night, occasionally throwing in an appropriately timed, “You did this to me!” when the mood was right.

Of course, they ended up with careers in public education and public theater, so the million dollar paychecks never quite made it into their bank account.  And sitting around eating bonbons all day was replaced by walking around all day telling middle school boys to keep all of their body parts to themselves and insisting that all flying scenery be fire proof.

And they moved only about 30 minutes away from the mother-in-law, so it’s anyone’s guess how that whole opinions-to-herself thing is working out…

No, that fairy tale never came to pass.  Very few actually do.  Which is good, because if all fairy tales came true, we’d all be walking around dodging angry dwarfs, fire-breathing dragons, and ugly stepsisters.

The idea of a happily ever after in marriage has always intrigued me, mostly because I’ve changed my own mind about whether it’s actually possible at least a dozen times so far.  When I was a newlywed, I believed that happily ever afters really existed, and that the goal of marriage was to work towards that happy ending.  Later in my marriage, during those transformative years when we were transitioning from a couple to a family, I had a hard time believing in happily ever afters at all.  I felt like babies were going to cry and poop on me for the rest of my life, and whoever saw a princess ride off into a sunset with poop on her dress?

But as life has settled down for us in the past year or so, I’ve changed my mind once again about happily ever afters.  I do think they are possible.  But who really wants one?

Did you ever stop to think about why most fairy tales end with that catch phrase?  It’s because the real story, the real meat of the fairy tale, comes from the action before the ending.  No one cares too much about what happens after the prince and princess ride off into the sunset.  That’s no fun.  The real story in a fairy tale is in the struggle and the imperfection of the characters.  It’s not about looking forward to the ending in a story.  What makes a story worth reading is what happens before the story ends.

Marriage is one of those things that is best lived in the present tense.  You can’t go forward if you’re holding on to the past, and you can’t honor the past if you refuse to move forward.  And what’s in between the past and the future?  The present.

Be present in your marriage.  Plan for the future, yes.  Remember where you’ve been, yes.  But be present in the here and now.  Appreciate your spouse for what they have given you today.  One of the recurring complaints my husband makes about me in our marriage is that I don’t appreciate the little things he does.  And he’s right.  I really struggle with focusing on today in my marriage, and, instead, choose to point fingers at things he’s done in the past or worry about what’s to come in the future.  And all the while I’m fussing over those things, the day-to-day love in our marriage passes me right by.

Last weekend, my husband had to work from 9:00am until 10:00pm from Friday through Monday.  That left me home over a three-day weekend with our two kids, one toddler who is potty training and one baby who had pink eye.  I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I was really irritated.  But you know what?  Every night Chris came home for dinner and to help me put the kids to bed… and then he’d head back up to his office to keep on working.  So, I had a choice.  I could be mad at him for how my weekend had turned out, or I could choose to be grateful for what he was doing in that moment.  I chose to be grateful, and for three full hours every night, we had a really great time getting the kids fed, bathed, and put to bed together.  And then, yes, he had to leave.  And, yes, I was irritated to be alone again.  But had I not chosen to be grateful for what he was doing in that present moment, I would have missed those fun moments splashing with him by side of the tub during bath time, and I would have missed catching up with him in the kitchen while I cooked dinner and he gallantly fended off our hungry children (who were starting to resemble fire-breathing, hungry dragons by that time).

When we wait for and expect the happily ever after ending, we sometimes miss the once upon a time that’s happening today.  So, be present in your marriage and appreciate the happiness that is in your relationship today.  After all, sometimes it takes a fire-breathing dragon to fan the flames in a relationship.  Enjoy your once upon a time, and I promise you that the happily ever after will work itself out.

What’s your version of happily ever after?

All lovely photos by EE Photography, first seen in one of our recent Facebook Friday features!

P.S. Check out Katie’s past columns for Southern Weddings:
I believe in Valentine’s Day
Change is the Name of the (Newlywed) Game
My Wedding Registry Changed My Life
Working it Out With the In-Laws
Managing Your Money
Come on Baby, Light My Fire
On Moving