Happy Thursday, friends! Today we have a fun little three-part series for you. We often get emails from readers with various questions and queries, and though we don’t have time to post about every one individually, we try to when we can. Reader Madi emailed us a few weeks ago, and this is what she said:

“I am a student at Texas Christian University, and I am a huge fan of Southern Weddings Magazine! Just two weeks ago, the sweet love of my life proposed, and since then I’ve been like a giddy girl as we’ve been exploring and contemplating the many options that come with planning our “big day.” Though I grew up in Kansas City, I’ve always been a Southern girl at heart, and even hurried South as soon as I could! I always thought I’d be married in the summertime, but our timing of things is looking more like a celebration in the winter, which could mean cold weather and possible snow fall! I always envisioned a ceremony outside of a barn and a reception with mason jars, cowboy boots, great food and beautiful floral arrangements… but winter timing may tweak all of that a bit. Is there any possible way y’all would share some ideas or do some sort of feature on how to pull off a traditional Southern wedding in a colder climate or even during the winter months? I’m looking for the warmth of Southern hospitality to surround us on that day.”

We loved the idea of dreaming up Southern ideas for a winter wedding, so today, we’re posting a three-part series for Madi. Up first is my inspiration board, then Marissa will be posting about winter fashion, and lastly Nicole will round us out with some Southern winter finds and DIY projects. If you have a brilliant winter wedding idea of your own, we’d love for you to chime in in the comments!

There’s absolutely no reason why traditional Southern style can’t be translated to the colder months, and I hope this board shows that. In fact, some Southern staples – raw cotton in particular – are more than perfect for winter. Use the fluffy bolls in bouquets, boutonnieres, and centerpieces for a lush winter look.

Madi wants to get married in a barn, which is also totally doable in the winter. Just make sure to rent heaters, as older barns can be pretty drafty!

For tablescapes, I love the idea of substituting flowers (which would be pricy, and probably not all that pretty) with low clusters of cotton in vintage silver containers surrounded by white and ivory pillar candles (probably in hurricanes, if we’re talking about a barn!). A tone-on-tone dotted linen or runner would complete the scape.

Throughout the day, concentrate on layering texture – cotton, wood, nubbly linen, luxe chiffon – over a pretty neutral palette of white, ivory, and barnwood gray.

Credits, clockwise from top left:

Cotton bouquet photo by Pasha Belman via Southern Weddings; Samuelle Couture dress photo by Eric Kelley via Grey Likes Weddings; monogrammed mason jars photo by Vue Photography via Southern Weddings; cotton boll boutonnieres photo by 13:13 Photography via Southern Weddings; dotted linen photo by Sylvie Gil via Style Me Pretty; hot cocoa from Martha Stewart Weddings; wood fireplace photo by Thayer Photo via Snippet & Ink; Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyard photo by Eric Kelley via Grey Likes Weddings

To tide you over until Marissa’s post, here are a few of my favorite winter weddings we’ve featured:
Molly + Ben’s Chapel Hill Christmas wedding (here + here)
Lizzie + Greg’s glam New Year’s Eve wedding (here + here)
Sarah + Ryan’s rustic barn winter wedding (here + here)
Ashley + Judd’s glittery ballroom winter wedding (here + here)

Hello, sweet readers! We’ve got a real fun feature for you today – Veils 101! We’re talking all you’ve always wanted to know about veil lengths, styles and how exactly to attach these pretties without them digging into your brain! (OK, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s definitely something to avoid!). There is a plethora of veil styles and lengths to choose from, and then there is always the option to nix the veil and go with a fascinator or hair bow (for my lovely non-Southern readers, a “hair bow” means any type of bow, feather, or anything fabulous that clips into your hair).

But for this post, we’re assuming you’ve chosen to wear a veil, and we’ll start by walking you through the most common lengths. First up we’ve got some adorable short styles, also known as fascinators, birdcage veils or flyaways. Traditionally, a “birdcage” veil is a short net or tulle piece that covers only the bride’s eyes. Now we see lots of twists on the traditional birdcage, with flowers and/or feathers attached to the veil, as well. These fancy add-ons, or fascinators, come in all shapes and sizes, from feathers and rhinestones on a barrette to a large pouf of tulle on a comb (seen below in our V4 Southern Exits shoot). Last of the short veils is the flyaway, which is a multi-layer veil of billowing tulle traditionally with natural cut edges and lots of body at the crown.

All images are from fabulous SW features: Kate Byars (see more of this floral stunner here), Corbin Gurkin via our Sweet Southern Exits V4 shoot, Tina Bass (see the rest of this beauty here), and Sarah Rhoads (see the gallery for this lovely wedding here).

Up next we have the simple, yet classically elegant elbow-length veil. Elbow-length is a great option if you want to wear a veil, but don’t want the the weight or fuss of a long veil. This style is perfect for day weddings or more casual affairs.

Image credit from left to right: Braedon Fynn (see the rest of this lovely fest here) and Paul Johnson (more here).

Next is the fingertip veil. This veil ends right at the ends of your hands when you have your arms down by your sides. It’s a perfect option for brides who are looking for an intermediate style veil. It’s fancier than its shorter counterparts, but not as dramatic as the longer options. If you’re looking to add a little oomph to this veil, opt for a lace-edged option, as seen below.

Image credit from left to right and top to bottom: Adam Barnes (see this Virginia stunner here), Ali Harper (see the rest of this lovely affair here), and Heidi from Our Labor of Love (for more of this beauty go here).

The waltz veil is up next. This sweet and stylish option falls between your knees and ankles and allows the best of both worlds – a long-ish formal veil, with the ability to have some fun dancing the night away on the dance floor.

Image credit from left to right: Veil and Bow (more of this Charleston wedding here) and Jaimie Clayton (see the rest of this farm wedding here).

Up next, the chapel length veil. (I love this look!) The chapel length veil reaches to the floor and extends up to three feet past the hem of your gown. This length is a very romantic look, and is great for formal black tie weddings.

Image credit: Studio A Photography (see the gallery for this Alabama wedding here).

Last, but certainly not least, we have the cathedral length veil. As a vintage cathedral length veil bride myself, I am quite partial to this look. Cathedral length veils are formal and oh-so-Southern. They extend way beyond the hem of your gown for a dramatic look. Cathedral length veils are most appropriate for formal church or large venue weddings. I don’t suggest wearing them for outdoor weddings, as the wind might cause you some grief! P.S. Keep in mind that a veil of this length is a bit high-maintenance, but you always have the option to remove it post-ceremony.

Image credit: A Bryan Photo (see Katharine’s Harvard soirée here).

If you’re after a traditional look, opt for an add-on blusher. A blusher is the veil that covers your face during the first part of the ceremony and is flipped back either by your father as he gives you away, or later by your beau before the oh-so-fabulous kiss-the-bride moment. Adding a blusher brings drama and romanticism to any veil. But, be sure to choose one that falls at least an inch above or below the neckline of your wedding gown.

Image credit: Heidi from Our Labor of Love (for more of this beauty go here).

So now you know exactly which veil length you love, but you’re still stumped as to how to secure it to your hair. I’ve been there. Since my veil was vintage, it actually had velcro as the attachment (originally created to attach to a pillbox hat). My crafty mama was able to remove the velcro and attach a clear comb. Clear plastic combs are my favorite way to attach a veil. They are easily hidden, and don’t press into your scalp as bobby pins have the tendency to do. Veils also come on barrettes, bobby pins or on metal combs. My suggestion? Bring your veil or headpiece to your hair trial. This is so important. Your hairstylist will be able to best advise on how to attach this beauty to your hairdo and how to hide the attachment within a bun, curls or updo. Whatever you choose, be sure that if you plan on removing your veil you have a trusty friend/maid/planner that was advised by your hairstylist how to safely remove the veil without making a your hair go a mock!

Image credit from top to bottom and left to right: 13:13 Photography (for the rest of this Florida wedding take a gander here), Belethee Photography (see the rest of this wedding here), and Abby Jiu (enjoy this wedding here).

After all these lessons in Veils 101, we thought we’d leave you with these lovely veil images! Boy, aren’t they pretty!

Image credit from left to right: Paul Johnson (see the wedding featuring my favorite bridesmaid’s dresses here) and Tanja Lippert (read why Emily chose her to photograph her own wedding).

What length veil will you or did you wear? Why did you choose that length?

Looking for more Southern Style inspiration?
Cardigan and Tights Shopping Guide
Classic White Shoe Shopping Guide
Mixed Bridesmaid Dresses Shopping Guide

Hi, y’all! I’m so sorry for the unexpected delay in “Emily Plans a Wedding” posts! Can I make it up to you with a loooong post about food, full of pretty photos and even a pair of guest experts? Yes? Okay, let’s go!

When we ask our real wedding couples what their top three wedding priorities are, food and/or drink is almost always one of the areas listed. For all the time we spend thinking about the pretty details, the food is often what guests remember most about the wedding – whether it was tasty, whether it was served at the right temperature and at the right time, and whether there was enough. Food and drink also account for the largest portion of most couples’ budgets, so it only makes sense that we’d all want to serve something that shines!

All that being said, I am VERY excited about what we’ll be serving at our wedding!! What will we be dishing up? In a word (or two): mini food. What does that mean? A little something like this:

From top to bottom and left to right: Baby Greek salads via Martha Stewart Weddings, mini grilled cheese sandwiches from Fresh Tart, mini chicken and waffles by Cru Catering (photo by Bryan Johnson via Southern Weddings), sliders photo by Jose Villa, fancy pigs in a blanket photo by Thorsen Photography via Weddingbee, fancy deviled eggs by Cru Catering (photo by Bryan Johnson via Southern Weddings), mini lobster rolls from Martha Stewart Living, mini crocks of mac and cheese by Martha Stewart Weddings, shrimp BLTs by Cru Catering (photo by Bryan Johnson via Southern Weddings), mini tacos and tequilas by Peter Callahan, mini pulled pork tacos photo by SMS Photography via Style Me Pretty

Fun, right? In addition to some of the small bites pictured above, we’ll be serving small plates of composed mini meals at our evening reception. I don’t want to give away all of the details, but let’s just say I think our guests will be verrrry excited.

Once we had decided on mini food (full disclosure: it took a bit of convincing to get John on my side on this one!), it was time to find a caterer who could bring our somewhat unusual vision to life. We were looking for a few specific things in our food provider:

1. Someone in whom we had complete confidence. We knew that if our plan was executed incorrectly, our grand idea for a meal of minis could, quite literally, leave a bad taste in our guests’ mouths. Not exactly what we’re going for.
2. Someone who was willing to work with us on budget. We were prepared to pay a bit more per person than we might have for a traditional dinner, since more staff is required, but definitely needed to keep the overall cost within our budgeted amount.
3. Most importantly, someone who was open to our “mini” ideas, and who could run with them and make them even better than we had imagined.

On one whirlwind weekend home in Connecticut, we interviewed three caterers in a row. We almost immediately crossed off the first option, as we felt like they were a bit hostile to our ideas, instead wanting us to simply pick from their list of standard appetizers. We were pleased with the second option based on our first meeting, but they ultimately lost us as customers in the way they followed up after said meeting. The third option, however, was just right.

From the moment we stepped into the kitchen of A Thyme to Cook, we felt taken care of. Could it have been from the welcoming sign on the front door? Why yes, I think it could!

Our meeting, too, was exactly what we were hoping for. Instead of nailing down a menu right then and there (which would have been a bit absurd), Linda, the owner, spent considerable time getting to know John and I, asking specific questions about what type of wedding we’re planning and what type of foods we love and loathe.

I also loved Linda herself — she was, honestly, a tiny bit intimidating, but that’s what I’m looking for in a caterer! Someone who gets things done. Bonus points for feeding us (yay!), and for reminding me of Martha Stewart — Linda built her business from the ground up twenty five years ago, and it’s now housed in an adorable building behind her house. We also couldn’t have been happier with their follow up time: we received a menu and budget proposal within two weeks of our meeting, and it was clearly crafted with John and me in mind, and not cookie cutter. We are so happy to be working with A Thyme to Cook, and know we are in very capable hands!

Before I wrap up this post, I wanted to share a few tips from Maria Cooke and Kelly Seizert of Ritzy Bee Events. It was actually one of their weddings featuring a “strolling small plates” menu that inspired me to try something similar for our wedding, so I figured they’d be the perfect people to help any readers who might be curious about what pulling off an event like this entails. Here are a few of their expert tips:

What are your suggestions for making the food seem like a well thought-out meal, and not just a parade of appetizers?
We suggest you work with a caterer that is well-versed in this type of food service. It is important that enough of each item sweep the floor at the same time so that guests feel like they are taken care of. Work with your caterer to offer composed plates that are essentially a mini entree. Each plate should contain layers of flavor to keep things interesting. An example of a plate we love comes from Design Cuisine in Arlington, VA: braised beef short ribs and gnocchi with black trumpet mushrooms, baby carrots, and English peas.

How much and what type of seating would you recommend?
We suggest about 60% seating to help keep guests moving and out on the dance floor! Cocktail style seating is best. We suggest mixing 3′ cafe tables with chairs, bar height cabaret tables, and some furniture groupings to encourage guests to mix and mingle. It is always considerate to reserve a few cafe tables for any elderly guests that might not be able to be up-and-down as much as others. Be sure to let those guests know in advance that they have a reserved seat.

Examples of a clever “floor plan” from a Ritzy Bee cocktail-style reception, and a reserved seating sign from the same event (photos by Kate Headley).

How would you recommend altering the flow of the reception to accommodate the unusual food service?
It is a great idea to begin the event with more traditional cocktail hour with beverages and 1-bite passed hors d’oeuvres. Then, consider introducing the bridal party and kicking off the remainder of the reception with a speech or two and perhaps the first dance. From there, introduce the small plates in “flights” of food as opposed to offering every item at once. This will simulate the same dining experience and timing as a multi-course plated dinner. It will allow the kitchen and servers plenty of time to plate and stroll with each item and your guests will have a nice variety of food offered throughout the event.

What are your recommendations for making food and drink easily “walkable”?
– Serve fork-friendly food that is perfectly portioned to be eaten in a few bites.
– Keep plates small. 5″-6″ is a great size. Be sure to pass a reception fork and fresh cocktail napkin with each plate.
– Use big trays that hold 8-12 plates each and make sure that you have enough waiters that you can easily feed half the guests in “one sweep of the room”.
– For every server on the floor passing plates, make sure you have another server following behind to bus empty plates and flatware.
– Keep in mind that food, service, and rental costs are generally a lot higher for this style reception due to the quantity of people and items needed to provide an exceptional experience for your guests.

Thank you so much, ladies! Readers, can’t get enough Ritzy Bee? Be sure to preorder their new wedding planning book, due out in January!

My stars! If you’ve made it this far, pat yourself on the back! Then tell me: What sort of food will you be serving at your reception? Breakfast? A buffet? A sit down meal? Just dessert? I’m dying to know, so please comment and fill me in!

P.S. In case you missed a post…
The main characters
Where we’re getting married
I go dress shopping
We choose a photographer
I ponder bridesmaid style

Welcome, my friends, to the dog days of summer. Y’all may know that I’m summer’s biggest fan, but I’m also well aware that the heat waves warping your sight aren’t hair + makeup’s best friend. There’s nothing quite as disappointing as spending time prettifying your hair and face only to have it fall and melt when you walk into the heat. Summer weddings are a beautiful thing in the South flowers and greenery are lush, colors are bright and nighttime receptions bring lightning bugs and a cool breeze. However, to look as fresh and fabulous at the end of the day as you did at the beginning, there are a few things to keep in mind. I asked makeup expert, Pamela Lesch, and hair expert, Tanesha Dupree, to share their tips and tricks to beat the heat. We’ve worked with these two ladies on our Williamsburg and Charleston photo shoot, so we had the chance to see these tricks in action! V4 will prove that they work!

Hair

Tanesha advises that brides keep it simple during the hot and humid days of summer. “Cool twists, braids and ponys are a sure fire way to go from hot summer day to cool summer night without worrying about a bad hair day. Messy buns are also my all time favorite.”

Image credits: Kate Mcluckie via 100 Layer Cake, Jose Villa via 100 Layer Cake, Julie Lim via Southern Weddings,

She suggests staying away from the heat tools and playing up natural texture. “Mix beach water with your favorite conditioner in a spray bottle for that beachy Blake Lively look. Or create texture by using a little mousse on your hair before putting it into two-strand twists. Let them air dry while you do laundry, or eat breakfast. Take them out, tousle a bit and you’ve got instant texture.”

Image credit: Maile Lani via Southern Weddings.

Looking for something a little more polished? If you can’t get your curls to stay with an iron, do what Tanesha does. “Try spraying the hair with a medium hold hairspray before you curl each section. After you’ve curled the section pin it up with a clip or bobby pin to allow the hair to cool and set. Do that for every curl. When all the curls are pinned allow an additional 15 minutes to cool and then take them down, style and spray again with hairspray (preferably something that fights humidity).

Image credit: Leigh Miller via Southern Weddings.

And for you naturally curly girls who want to banish frizz on your big day, here’s the key. “After shampooing and conditioning, blot your hair with an old t-shirt just until it’s no longer dripping wet. Take your gel or cream and put it in your hair. Comb it through with a comb, not just your fingers, so the product is evenly distributed through the hair. Now here’s the kicker: DO NOT TOUCH YOUR HAIR AGAIN UNTIL IT’S COMPLETEY DRY!! If you do this you will have frizz free curl.”

Image credit: Ozzy Garcia via Snippet and Ink.

Makeup

Pamela suggests that if at all possible, stay in an air-conditioned environment for as long as possible! But if you do have to go out into the heat, keep these tips in mind.

1. Your wedding day is the time to use all water-proof products, especially eyeliner, mascara, and foundation. (Look for the words “waterproof” and “long-wearing” on the bottle.) I prefer a cream/gel eyeliner that is stroked on with a slant-tip eyeliner brush. A long-wearing foundation is key. There are tradeoffs with waterproof mascara. The number one reason we use it is so that it stays put on our lashes during a possible onslaught of emotion. However, most waterproof mascaras don’t provide the volume or length that so many of us crave. That’s why I highly recommend false lashes, either individual bundles applied at the outer corners of the eye, or a full strip that’s close to matching your own lash length. If you use a good lash glue and ensure that tears don’t mix with the glue when applying the lashes, they will last all day and night!

2. Try a makeup setting spray that has a matte finish. You’ll need about 4 spritzes of these sprays over your completed makeup application, soon after you’ve got your makeup on. There are even setting sprays made especially for sensitive and oilier skin types.

Image credit: Kallie Brynn via Southern Weddings.

3. Be mindful of your makeup. This is special occasion makeup, be careful of your face when hugging and kissing your guests. Go for the shoulder hug or maybe even the air-kiss with a slight cheek-touch. It may sound corny, but it goes a long way to ensure the longevity of your wedding-day makeup.

4. If your eyes mist up, try to catch the tears before they falls. Keep a tissue or handkerchief handy, and remember your makeup mantra for the day: Dab and Blot; don’t Rub or Swipe. The ol’ D&B keeps the integrity of your makeup application in place.

5. Your handbag must-haves: Lip gloss or lipstick and a powder compact, if you are prone to shine. The lips are the first to fade and you’ll need periodic lip reapplication. The compact, when used to dab and blot at shine, will keep it at bay for an hour or two, depending on how prone you are to shine. Often cheeks and blush soften before the night is over. You don’t have to bring a blush along, there’s always the tried and true slight pinching-of-cheeks to put a little color back into your face.

Image credit: Julie Roberts Photography via Southern Weddings.

6. Lastly, if it’s really hot, apply cold towel compresses to the back of your neck if you are able to sneak off to a restroom. When your neck is kept cool, most of your face will follow suit and perspiration and makeup-fade will be kept to a minimum.

We hope these tips come in handy for you as the summer peaks! Big huge hugs and thanks to Pamela and Tanesha for sharing their secrets with us!

It’s not only the season for weddings, but for bridal showers, too, which makes today’s Southern Etiquette question particularly relevant.

Grace wrote:

“To frame my main question, I should first provide some backstory. A friend of mine recently got engaged very unexpectedly, after only knowing her now-fiance for a few months. They sent out their save the dates in early April for a Labor Day weekend wedding. Mid-May comes, and I receive a mass text message informing me that they will instead be doing a family-only beach ceremony in July, due to cost and her father’s unexpected unemployment a year prior. Supposedly there were plans in the works to mail out some sort of an update on the family-only decision, but nothing has been mailed yet.

No big deal, but then the buzz starts to circulate that “family only” also includes a few friends from college and sorority.

This past weekend, I opened the mailbox to find an invitation to a bridal shower for her, about two weeks before the “family-only” beach wedding in July. My question to you is whether it’s appropriate (or best Southern etiquette practice) to invite people to a shower for a wedding they are not invited to attend. Essentially, opting for a smaller, cost-effective wedding says, “I can’t afford/choose not to pay for you to be a guest at our wedding,” and my understanding of wedding etiquette is that if someone is not a wedding guest, they should not be a shower invitee also. I, along with a few others, feel that it’s sending a message of “I’m not inviting you to my wedding, but please shower me anyway.”

I have gone back and forth with whether or not I should/want to attend her upcoming shower, and I really am stuck. As a friend and former wedding/potential shower guest, I find it hurtful to have learned that non-family guests have been invited to their “family-only” wedding, and I do not feel that inviting non-guests to a shower is a best bride practice.

Am I being petty? Would you go? Deep down, I do want happiness and love for her marriage, but I feel that making the decision to have a cost-effective, exclusive wedding comes with the understanding that most likely there will not be the traditional string of showers given.”

A happy couple, shot by Phindy Studios :)

GREAT question, Grace! Often in etiquette I feel like there’s some gray area, but in this case, I came down firmly on one side — and I’m guessing most of our readers will, too. To confirm my suspicions, I checked with Emily Post:

“Who is invited to a shower? Normally, anyone invited to a shower should be invited to the wedding. The one exception is a workplace shower to which a large number of coworkers contribute. Showers are intimate gatherings for people you know very well– not excuses to haul in more gifts.”

If you are not invited to the wedding, you should not be invited to the shower. If the bride is having an intimate wedding, she should have an intimate shower — or none at all. That might sound harsh, but in my opinion, it’s the only way to do things in good taste. If kind friends or relatives would like to give a gift when they hear the good news, regardless of their invitation status, that is their prerogative and certainly fine.

Now in Grace’s case, since the bride has already issued the invitation for the shower, it is now up to Grace and the other non-wedding guests whether they choose to a) attend or b) bring or send a gift.

Grace specifically asked what I would do, so here you go: If the shower were local, I would attend and bring a lovely, handwritten card expressing my best wishes for the couple. I would not bring a gift. If the shower were not local, I would not attend, but would still send a handwritten card.

Readers, I would love to hear your thoughts! Would YOU attend? Would you bring a gift? Am I being too black-and-white, or is this an issue where there is clearly an etiquette precedent for a reason? Let me know what you think!

As always, if you would like to submit your own etiquette query, just shoot me an email!

If you liked this post, you might want to check out past etiquette columns:
Bridesmaid Responsibilities
Tuxedos with Navy Dresses?
Who Gets a Save the Date?